I have determined that motherhood and marriage have brought me the gift of a few new superpowers. Having a baby had already granted me super sensitive hearing, allowing me the ability to hear Otter cry from many rooms away, hear Monkey say forbidden words under her breath, and hear Lee mutter distractedly while facing his computer. This hearing has enabled me to respond more efficiently to my family’s needs.
Apparently I now possess the ability to speak in a tone that can only be heard by dogs. I haven’t figured out what this special speaking power will grant me, but I am sure it will prove useful in some way beyond calling the dogs to me for animal cracker disbursement.
This power almost guarantees that no one but my mother will laugh at my jokes or hear my tragic parenting anecdotes. I believe she also received these super powers with her marriage and motherhood, and is therefore able to hear me with her super sensitive hearing, even though I am only able to speak at Dog Ear Pitch (DEP). Additionally, I am having to yell at Monkey to get her to listen to me, and raise my voice in order to impart information to Lee.
These downsides do leave me feeling awfully left out of things, as I can’t ever really share moments with my family as they happen. Anytime I try to point something out to someone, I usually have to repeat myself so many times that the moment has passed by the time they hear me.
As an upside, I am once again reminded of the importance of my mother, and her willingness to play straight man to my one person comedy act. I am not sure I could make it through all this if I didn’t have her to laugh with me, and I am thankful that she forgives the repeated 7 a.m. phone calls she has been getting. (Thanks mom!)
Has any one else discovered this unique ability?