Oh Father…

It’s the waiting. 

the interminable waiting for you to return, 

to enter the room, 

to open a door, 

to call my nickname or ask me for something. 

it’s the feeling

of a breath not fully taken 

not fully released, 

held eternally in expectation

while time moves on without you. 

it’s the knowing 

that given a choice you would return

you would call 

you would come back.

you have no choices. 

it’s sinking feelings 

it’s desperate feelings

it’s lonely and sorrowful

hurt beyond repair feelings. 

it’s hearing a word only you used to say

smelling your favorite food, 

seeing a project you would like,

hearing a joke you would laugh at,

singing to a song you would love

and crumbling 


out of sight

little by little or boulder by beastly boulder

it’s closing my eyes

slowing my mind

so I can try and remember

the feel of your hand in mine. 

the sound of your voice in my ear. 

It’s the wretched emptiness

where you once were

that cuts me

over and over

while my insistent heart waits for you to return. 



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