Nesting…

How strange is the nesting instinct? I spent three years, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and all my remaining energy for the next decade on graduating from law school and passing the bar. I should be thrilled to work as much as possible, flex these legal muscles and experience the power of my new license.

But no… I am nesting, I feel that each hour spent on law is one less hour spent hand crocheting baby blankets or hand quilting soft books to chew on. All I want to do is stay home and move all the furniture in the house, clean the walls and floors, pack away all the clutter, and arrange hand made baby items into a cute little nursery of calm for my son.

I want to buy a rocking chair and sit in it while I painstakingly learn to knit. I find myself more entranced by Jo-Ann fabric’s annual post christmas sale than I do any legal texts or cases. I want to make tapestry to bring color into my house and homemade fleece blankets to wrap his warm little body in.

I want to learn what each setting on my fancy sewing machine does, and employ it somehow.

The nesting instinct kicked in two weeks ago, when I made curtains for the guest room, continued into last week when I placed plastic weatherproofing stuff over all the bedroom windows, and hand stitched a fleece curtain for Monkey’s room. It has now grown to the point that I have panels of fleece, flannel, and batting for a number of projects that call to me every day.

“Don’t go to work! Measure, cut, and sew a receiving blanket!”

It just goes to show you that all the education in the world can’t halt the power of the instinctual self. It is a force of nature, and far more powerful than anything we can create. It pushes aside the logical self, insinuates itself into the emotional self, and leaves you craving knitting needles when you should be reading over the parol evidence rule.

I wonder if the court would accept motions in cross stitch format.

It could be anemia, I could have a virus, or I could just be this way, for the next three months.

I went to the doctor today to see if there was some reason, beyond being pregnant with a five year old and a job, that I would be pale, lethargic, tired beyond all reason, and suffering from random dizziness and faintness. I went in primarily because the tired has gotten ridiculous. Waking up in the morning has begun to feel like coming back from the dead, as though I am turning back and walking through the long tunnel away from the white light. I have to lie in bed and gather my conciousness around me until I can open my eyes and get up. Then I wander around all day feeling as though I could go back to sleep if I simply lay down in a quiet room. I don’t have the energy to go to the grocery store, or to make a snack. I am so tired, I just want to sleep.

So after going to work today and being told by my office mates that I am pale and look really worn down, I called the office and made an appointment. I picked Monkey up from school and headed to the office. The listened to me, and said they would test me for anemia and thyroid issues but that ” second pregnancies are often like this, after all, you are pregnant and running around after a child.” I calmly explained that I am not pregnant and running around after a child because I am too damn tired to run around after a child! She then asked me if I am depressed. Sigh.

Well no, beyond the fact that I am so tired I can’t get out of bed, cook food for my family, shop at the grocery store, or help my daughter with her homework without needing an hour long nap afterwards. I am happy about the baby, comfortable with my life, and content in my job. I am not depressed, in fact, I am just too tired to be depressed. I am drained, if my life were a gothic novel I would instantly begin going to bed with garlic around my neck and crosses hung on my bedroom walls.

So what do I do if I am not anemic? If this is just how I am going to feel for the next several months? Furthermore, how do I convince medical practitioners that there is something wrong, that no one should be this tired? I wasn’t this tired in the first trimester, I wasn’t this tired while studying for the bar exam pregnant! Of all the times I should have been dragging ass, studying for the bar in the first trimester of pregnancy should have topped them all!

Any helpful thoughts? I have a job to work, a house to run, and a child to chase. I can’t do this all with no energy whatsoever. Lee is a huge help, but he has to work, so I am on my own from about 8:30 until about 6:30. I could use help coming up with easy meals I can make that she will eat and I can reheat. Recipes that will increase my energy level would help too. If anyone has the contact information for Van Helsing, I may need to slay some bloodsucking vampires to see if that helps.