Tag Archives: Home sweet home

Bee calm and garden on…

Pink flower bee Copy (1)

It’s been my newest project and my reason for being offline so much lately. For the first time in my life I am building a garden. Day in and day out I dig and plant, hammer and staple, water and weed. There is something soothing and, well, down to earth about gardening.

I can feel my connection with the earth healing some deeply hungry part of me. In the garden I am capable and strong, I am able to work for hours and not make my headache worse. I don’t know if it’s not straining my eyes on a computer screen or just that gardening is as replenishing as it is exhausting but my spoons don’t seem to be at risk when I am in the sun and communing with all the bees and plants.

And boy do we have bees!! There is a house a few doors down with a hive and their happy little bees buzz around my Gerbera Daisies, Blueberries, Blackberries, Strawberries and Tomatoes. It’s possible that they love the herb garden even more. Best of all, the big blue fountain in my planter garden gets teeny buzzing visitors who fly over, settle on the rim, and delicately sip at the water in the bowl.

I can watch the bees for hours.

I put up a hammock under the tree and when I am not gardening or working I lie there smelling my spearmint, magnolias, and tomatoes while the bees buzz around me, resting from time to time on my knees. The sun is warm and the sound of the busy birds and insects is soothing.

I seem to be coming back to life with the plants, growing stronger and standing taller every day. The long lonely years of pain and hardship look as though they may actually be in the past. I work, I garden, I walk, I swim. I take the kids places. I am once again living an outside life. I am not confined, alone with my cat, to a dark and quiet room watching the world pass me by on a dimly lit computer screen wishing desperately that I could be free. I am no longer a useless partner, mother, daughter, or friend. I have things to offer the world again. I have people in my life who walk beside me and encourage me to do what I can while reminding me to not overdo it. They value and cherish my contributions even though they are not what they used to be. I am learning to do the same. I suppose I am being cultivated as much as my garden is.

I love how responsive plants are to my labors. A drooping plant will perk up within minutes of being watered, a seed poke through the earth within days of being planted. Every day I see the results of my labors blooming around me and I can’t help but bloom with them! I laugh and dance and sing again. I wake up early, even though I hurt, to take my medication so I can get to the garden faster.

I have more energy now too so I can cook and walk to the grocery store and clean. I make delicious food for my family again and get pleasure out of seeing them gobble it up. My kids are eating vegetable soups and meatloaf and guacamole again, thrilled I am back in the kitchen making it. Dan is touched each and every day I make his lunch for work, happy I have thought of him and taken the time to insure he has a gracious plenty of healthy, delicious food while he keeps the peace in the brutal heat. My parents enjoy the food I cook and my mother loves that she is not doing the cooking.

I am slowly learning that no matter what my professional future holds, whether I can litigate again or not, whether I can earn a decent living or not, I can contribute to the family in a meaningful way.

I can be a goddess of hearth and home if I cannot be the career woman I dreamed of being. I find joy and a profound sense of accomplishment in the tasks I once deemed menial. Now they are the example of improved health.

So my life is blooming again. I think it’s time to bee calm and garden on.

Advertisements

A New Year’s Letter

Dear friends,

It was a lovely holiday, though busy enough to tire me out to an unusual degree.

The children enjoyed sledding, snowball fort making, too much food and sugar, and a satisfying pile of presents. We focused on games for the kids this year, ideally those we can play together.  Ms. Marlena got Gloom, a cheery game focused on making your family as miserable as possible before killing them off.  Oliver got a TMNT version of Trouble.  Together we got Whowasit? and Castle Panic, both of which turned out to be rather fun.

I got several intense headaches due to the winter storms but I managed to enjoy the freshly falling snow in spite of them.  I am hoping the new year will offer some resolution to this ongoing issue, but not counting on it.  Instead I am focusing on breathing through the pain and managing a good life where my headaches, though unwelcome guests, don’t intrude overly much.

I have been enjoying my time away from Facebook.  For the first few days I kept looking at my phone to check my feed but eventually I stopped and instead, brought my new Kindle with me wherever I went.  I have read 7 books in the two weeks since I dropped Facebook. I think it is time better spent.  I do miss the regular updates from people’s lives but I got a chance to see most of the people here over the holiday and instead caught up in person.  My plan in the future is letter writing, both on physical paper and here.

Dan’s dad showed me some of his stamp collection and we enjoyed a discussion about the stories stamps carry with them.  This got me all fired up to send out some stamped stories of my own.  I shall have to purchase some attractive stamps to use as postage and some satisfying new letter paper, but I am set for pens. A caligraphy set appeared in my gift pile this year and I am looking forward to using it.

I have also been enjoying Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries this holiday, a show about a lady detective set in the 1920’s.  I fell back in love with the fashion of the era and much to my delight discovered a nearby consignment store with a dizzying array of cloche’s, scarves, and tops that will allow me to add a touch of 1920’s glamour to my day.

For my part, I gave out gift baskets full of wine from NakedWines.com and chocolate treats from Swiss Colony.  I made some bookmarks and wine glass markers as additions to the baskets and my parents added their own presents as well.  The baskets were pleasing to deliver and sparkled with glittered branches and poinsettia blossoms.

Dan and I spent a number of days resting together as he transitioned into his new day shift.  Moving from nights to days has worn him out but I am sure we will both enjoy having him home after four p.m. instead of after three a.m.  We will be happy to have more time to socialize with people and attend evening events together.  In the meantime, we have enjoyed days spent reading to each other, watching television, playing with the cat and dog, and generally relaxing.

Before too long we will have to get moving on getting him moved in.  I have been clearing out things I no longer need to make room for his things and we have been putting our heads together with my father to renovate the largest room in the basement for our own private sanctuary.  We are going to put in recessed lighting and sconces, new wood flooring, and a wet bar for entertaining.  We will miss sitting before the cast iron stove fire in his basement abode so we may be getting an electric version for our new space.  Our hope is to have a place we can play board games, role playing games, and quiet conversation that is separate from the rest of the house.  For now, we will share the large attic garrett that has been my living quarters.

The children are excited about the transition, though initially some trepidation was expressed.  Oliver wanted to make sure he could still snuggle in with me at night if needed and Marlena wanted to establish that she would maintain her hard earned responsibilities and liberties with a new adult in the house.  We explained that we were all making this up as we went along and promised to make it up all together.  That seemed to set them at ease.  It helps that Dan is very supportive of their relationship with their father and has made it clear to both of them that he does not see himself as a replacement.

It will be interesting staying in a multigenerational household but I already see how much happier the children and I are here and how much more closely they have grown to their grandparents.  I treasure the relationship I see building here and am so happy we have this chance to spend so much time together.  While I am sure there are roadbumps ahead, and I acknowledge the bravery of a man willing to move into a multigenerational family home, I think we will all be very happy here.

My father has already created a new parking space for Dan and is happy to have another man about the house.  My mom is excited to have another person interested in cooking, as it means yet fewer meals she has to prepare.  She isn’t very fond of cooking and Dan and I are.  Further, Dad has become quite the cook since his retirement, so the once onerous job of preparing family meals has lessened significantly.

Both Mom and Dad had some health issues this holiday, with mom having cataract surgery in both eyes and Dad having a sprain in his leg from all the home improvement work.  It’s been paining him a lot.  We have all been trying to muddle through our various ailments but I am not sure the three of us all together yet make a whole healthy person. Still we are solicitous of each other and work hard to help out when we can.

Work has been lovely.  I am really looking forward to the coming work year. I really enjoy the reading, writing, and designing I get to do and am excited to get our new website up and our newsletter out.  Then I suppose it will be time to study for, and take, my certification exams.  If for no other reason that I need more paper hanging on my office wall. I bought a new bookshelf for the office and have been bringing books into it.  I enjoy the process of filling that space with my own work things and getting them out of my house! This is the first time in ten years that work will be somewhere other than my home, most of the time, and it is very relaxing to shut the light off at the end of the day and go home to read fiction, crochet, make earrings, or play games.  I think I might be finally achieving some sort of work/life balance.  Hooray!

On that note, I am signing off to make the bed and prepare some tea.  Dan is on his way home to me after a cold day enforcing the law and I am sure he would love to revive himself with some lapsong souchong and snuggle by the fire.  For that matter, so would I.