And she was never heard from again…

Sorry to be absent so long, I have been working about 60 hours a week lately and don’t have a lot of time to think of clever things to say, much less write them down.

It would seem working away from home has caused my practice to reach a frenetic pace. I have been racing to catch up on things that were seemingly miles away before I accepted a 40 hour a week job elsewhere. I spend most of my evenings and weekends working. Last night I spent a thrilling evening working at the home of a similarly situated friend. We worked until about 10:30 p.m. before calling it a day and sitting down to watch Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang and salvage what was left of our Friday night.

My working has brought changes to the house too. My kids are eating frozen dinners or PB&H sandwiches most nights as I have basically stopped cooking. (The frozen dinners are an upgrade from the takeout they got to consume all last week.) My groceries get to dire straights before one of us replenishes them with the trip to the store. I had forgotten how much time a grocery trip can take when you don’t get to go during the day! I guess when this Mommy goes to work, the home cooked meals and fancy snacks go with her!

Oddly, our house is generally cleaner and the laundry is done. I think Lee and I are frantically trying to keep up with it both each night, bit by bit, and therefore succeeding more than we did when I felt as though I had all day to accomplish our household chores.

The temp job is perking up, still dull work but I really like the other people doing it. I am fighting a never ending battle against superfluous calorie consumption as each day someone brings in donuts, cookies, or cake. (Not to mention the vat of pretzels next to the coffee maker.) My coffee consumption has gotten to dangerous proportions. I went and bought designer tea at the new fancy tea shop in Cherry Creek so I could have some tempting alternative to the dark caffeine brew.

I miss my kids, and long for them the whole time I am at the office. Otter clings to me like a monkey from the moment I get home until the moment I leave for work the next day. He has gotten right back to co-sleeping. It seems to be his coping mechanism. (Sadly, Mommy and Daddy may never have sex again.) Monkey is even getting snuggly again, a change to her uber-independant 8 year old-ness. She also wants to go with me everywhere I go, sit with me when I sit, and do what I am doing.

It’s sweet, they miss me.

Six more weeks left. Then I will get to slow down for a while.

My temp job…

I finally did it. I finally accepted a document review position as a part time solution to the endless waiting for paychecks that is my practice.

I can’t say I am loving it.

I have great team members, a supportive and realistic work environment, and a steady pay check.

I also have “the boredom”.

I am working 10-14 hour days most days because I come home to my practice after a full day in the office. I am tired, overworked, and stressed.

But I have money!

Drawn and quartered…

Parenthood is being pulled in a thousand different directions by everyone you know and everything they need all day long, each and every day.

On one hand is a rope connected to my family. All of my family. My children, my husband, my mother and father, my pets. This rope pulls on me twenty four hours a day. Someone always needs me/wants my attention/requires my time. Most of the time it’s more than one person who wants me.

My son wants me to sit him in my lap while he eats syrup covered pancakes while my daughter wants me to watch a new magic trick while my husband wants my opinion on something in the office while my mother or father is calling on the phone while the dogs want a bit of the bacon please and the cats need more food in their dish.

Rarely, if ever, am I in a situation where I can focus all my attention on one person.

On the other hand are all the things I need to do to care for my family.

Cleaning my house, doing the laundry, shopping for groceries, preparing food for meals, changing diapers, emptying catboxes, shopping for clothes that fit everyone, making sure we have the necessary school supplies, providing entertainment and age appropriate toys, transporation to lessons and playdates, researching healthy eating habits, finding eco-friendly products that actually make a positive difference, running errands, paying bills, tracking the mail, medical appointments, dental appointments, vet appointments, eye checkups, etc.

On one foot is my law practice.

It demands my very best efforts, complete and total focus on tasks, a calm atmosphere for phone calls, huge piles of networking dinners/lunches/breakfasts/conferences, time to organize all the cases and papers, time to study for professional growth, web design, bookkeeping, personnel management, assignment tracking, staying abreast of all the clients needs and wants, staying in touch with clients, bill paying, troubleshooting, problem solving, learning new cost saving technologies that may help provide better service, blogging on up to date legal topics to increase my reputation, rainmaking, and many hours of time.

I am never done with work. There is always something that got put off because of the things pulling on my other limbs. There is not a single minute in any day when I can say I have nothing left to do in my inbox.

On the other foot is my social life. The people outside my family that want to see me in the few precious hours a week that I set aside for myself. Seeing these people is often refreshing to my soul and allows me time to regroup and prepare for encounters with other areas of my life.

However, I have more people than I do time, so much of my pleasure is often leeched out because I have to turn people away, put them off, or simply not see them for months because others require my time. Sometimes they are hurt and angry, sometimes I end up overscheduling myself and shortchanging everyone in the process.

Rarely do I feel as though I am at leisure and have the luxury of taking as much time as I would like with the person I am seeing.

In the middle is me. I used to have interests outside work and my family.

I used to be actively involved in politics. I used to study about the world. I used to be an amatuer photographer. I used to crochet, scrapbook, paint, write, sing, and dance. I used to do yoga everyday. I used to swim. I used to read over three hundred books a year. I used to blog every day. I used to think about writing a book. I used to go to the theater. I used to see movies on opening night. I used to do amazing decoupage with funky old vases and handmade paper. I used to design jewelry. I used to play games. I used to cook food to my liking. I used to wear high heels. I used to spend half an hour on my “look” in the morning.

I am in the middle of my life, being pulled apart everyday. I do not have the time to secure a little space for just me. Some times I am not even sure I know who “me” is anymore. Do I still like to crochet? How about blogging? What kinds of movies do I like?

At the end of a long day, after I have finally conquered the very last request for water/story of last year’s scary nightmare/spider in the bathroom scare/two year old strike against sleep/additional lullabye request/etc., I sometimes sit in the quiet house and think about running away. I look at my living room floor with its carpet of food crumbs, drink spills, and pet fur, and I think about walking out my front door and getting in my car. I think about driving until I run out of gas and then getting out and walking until I can’t walk anymore.

I think about gettting away.

I can’t get away. The truth is that this is the life I have worked for all my life. This is the future I wanted. Supportive and loving husband, beautiful and intelligent children, a career of my own, a lovely home, fuzzy pets all my own with no one to tell me the myriad of reasons why we can’t get another cat. (Do NOT get another cat. Trust me.)

Most of the time it makes me very, very happy.

Other times my life is so full there is no room for me left in it.