Tag Archives: #SNF
WHY IS THE AIR SHARP?
HOLY MOTHER OF HELL! WTF!?
There I was, managing my life with small nerve fiber neuropathy when BLAMMO suddenly one evening my hands and fingers felt like I was playing with slivers of broken glass anytime I touched anything.
This was not some gradual slide over time either. I work with my hands all the time. I use yarn, paper, glue, fabric, rocks, paints, cardboard, you name it. Usually I am fine.
Not this time. This time I’m folding my laundry and putting it away and then my socks are razor blades.
It – to understate it – sucked.
I took half an Ativan under the theory that it’s designed to send nerves into a coma and went to bed.
The next day I was a bit better though am definitely still more sensitive than I would like, all over really. I messaged my Doc and he asked “Have you been under more stress lately?”
Well duh, yeah, but knowing why I’m in a flare up doesn’t help me. You try to avoid stress when you are the disabled mother of a high school and college student, wife of a cop, and daughter/caretaker of two aging parents. It’s not like I get to just not be in stressful situations. In fact, trying to avoid them is like trying to keep cats out of a room, the harder you work to keep them out the more they want to get in.
So now that we’ve acknowledged that being a vibrating ball of stress is kind of my daily life can we move on to management please?
sometimes my body feels more like a prison
then it does an instrument for my mind.
i feel trapped within it’s boundaries
too limited by the shattered confines.
there are too many things I cannot do,
too many places I cannot go.
too many times I have to live
when what I want to do is thrive.
sometimes I watch the world through the bars,
these everyday eyes in this routine face.
i seep desire and wistfulness
from these pores pinned in place.
i cancel all the plans i’ve made
and apologize to the ones who’ve stayed
to love the person who is trapped inside
this fleshy prison where i reside.
—- m.morehead 2022