Hum de dum…

Still not in labor, still getting bigger every day.

The baby is so smushed at this point that his kicks are pathetic imitations of his once strong demands. He is folded up like a card table and begging to get out, and I would love to let him, but as of yet, we are not in agreement as to when he should arrive.

Tomorrow is the due date, if I awake on Monday and there is no baby, I expect tears. Lots of tears.

I’m too pregnant for this party…

No way I’m disco dancing!! Well, the due date rapidly approaches. Will Otter indeed be an April Fool’s day baby? Will he spend his life loving or hating the oddness of his date of birth if he is? Will my stomach ever recover from his amazing growth?

He is Goliath! He is a big baby! However, I am going to be huge when I go into labor, so all is well. I can birth a giant child, I am a strong, well built, scandinavian lawyer! Nothing can stop me!! Monkey wasn’t small and I survived, now it’s time to birth her brother!

BTW, I will not be posting about the birth immediately after or during, but I will try and leave a voice mail message indicating that I am in labor. If you need to hear details before we contact you, you can call my mother, she is first on the call list, so y’all have my permission to call her to check on me. (Love ya Mom!!)

Hunger trumps exhaustion…

hmmm… this is a fun new twist!

It is 2:40 am and I am awake because I was too hungry to sleep through the night! Yes, despite my healthy dinner of a ham and turkey wrap on whole wheat multi-grain flat bread, my high in antioxidants dessert of vanilla ice cream and pomegranate sorbet, and my bedtime snack of groaning cake and a bowl of apple sauce, I am awake and starving!!

So a nice large bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, and a large icy cold glass of milk later I am feeling the edge disappear from my hunger.

Now maybe I can go back to bed. Too bad I didn’t wake up to, oh I don’t know, Labor!!

Surprises for me!!

I was feeling very melancholy and exhausted yesterday. Ellen and I had made plans for her to come over and make a “Groaning Cake“, which is a traditional cake for labor and birth. Since the hospital won’t let us bake a cake while we are there, we decided to do it earlier and hope maybe it helped send me into labor, instead of easing my labor.However, I was feeling very tired so I called to reschedule our date.

I am so glad Ellen talked me out of rescheduling!

She arrived with the kids a little after four and had a surprise foot bath and pedicure planned in addition to the cake making. The kids played and I got pampered to the delicious smell of the cake in the oven. (I am eating a slice now, it is very good.) I even have pretty gold toenails, all shiny and sparkly!! Lee brought home chicken and we all ate dinner together. It was a really nice time.

Thank you Ellen!! There is something so meaningful about being unexpectedly pampered when you are pregnant. I feel so much better about the remaining weeks than I did before.

Alien refuses to leave mothership…

Still no baby here, though his family is certainly enjoying the alien moments created by his wiggles. He loves to give me crooked belly, and alien belly, and stick his foot out, etc. I can only be pregnant for so long before he gets here, so I am trying to be mellow about it all.

This weekend I was teasing Monkey by telling her that chocolate milk came from dark brown and light brown spotted cows from Wisconsin. She did not believe me and used the following phrase to create a majority over her father and I: “All of my stuffies and toys that have two eyes agree with me, so I win.”

What could we say against that? It was a fairly compelling argument.

Today I went to the outlet mall with Ellen and Tiff and spent an obscene amount of money on a new summer wardrobe for a certain tall beauty whose most recent growth spurt rendered her current clothing stockpile virtually useless. She was appreciative. Oddly, while she is hugely independent on everything else, she is fine with me picking out her clothes. I guess they simply don’t matter they much to her, or I have really good taste. I will go with the latter.

She and I both had a hard time with Nick’s death today, I spent the early morning hours awake again, pacing the house and trying to stop dreaming about him. No nightmares this time, just dreams of the time we spent together before he died. Sadly, they wake me up as much as the nightmares do, since even in my sleep I seem to realize something is wrong and that realization pulls me from rest. I am becoming very friendly with the hours between 2 and 5 am.

Monkey spent the last half hour of her school day in tears, crying about how much she misses him. Unfortunately, she had a substitute, and she really didn’t know what to do. I explained the situation again when I got to school and then made hot cocoa when we got home and we snuggled a little. Still, it is hard to explain this to her, because at 31 I don’t know when I will begin to feel normal again, so how can I set expectations for my 5 year old?

I still feel like some kind of friendship amputee, I can still feel my friend, I can hear him, and I keep waiting for him to call me. He is never far from my thoughts, and it is very hard to get through a whole day without crying, or really wanting to, at least once. I haven’t slept well in days. So how do I explain to Monkey that missing him is okay, feeling sad is okay, but being happy and forgetting about him is okay too? That she shouldn’t be completely morose about his death? She doesn’t have to remember him all the time in order to mourn him?

Hard conversations at our house lately. Tonight she asked if Nick was a ghost, I told her I didn’t know. She said “I hope he is, because I really want to see him again.” I suggested she talk to him, and told her some people believe people can hear us after they have passed away. She is currently in her room talking away, shedding some tears and hopefully learning how to cope. She is too small and too young to have to cope with this. He was a wonderful friend to her, I wish she had not lost him so early. Really big feelings are very scary and hard to deal with when one is so small.

Of course, this is hard to deal with even when one is big, so I can only try my best to answer her questions honestly, and be open to talking about him. That is the hardest part, whenever I seem to be having a day when he is not constantly on my mind, she brings him up, and there I am again, feeling like I could almost touch him, or hear him, and having to remember he is gone.

Job opening…

Wanted: Hopeful optimist.
Duties: Remind me that the system works a lot of the time, and that when it doesn’t it is better to fight for change, than to rail at the powers that be uselessly. Remind me with newspaper clippings, email alerts, and phone calls that there are others out there fighting to make the system work, and the protect the rights and lives of others.
Compensation: Appreciation and love.

This morning I awoke to a world that doesn’t make sense. The legal stuff going on with Vonage indicates to me that our system of patents is broken. It is no longer protecting the creative and intellectual property of innovators so they can see profit from their ideas, but instead is curtailing innovation, and preventing creative thinkers from expanding the technology of our country. It is allowing big business to monopolize markets and drive competitors out of business, not with superior product, but with vaque, overbroad patent filing.

The idea behind the patent was to insure people continue to create and innovate by protecting their work, by limiting those who would profit by it to the innovater and their family for a number of years. It was intended to protect actual inventions and processes. It was not intended to limit innovation in an entire arena.

For example. Milk production. A person or company is not supposed to be able to patent milk production. A machine that produces milk more effectively, or more organically, sure, but not the production of milk itself.

One of the three patents upheld by the court basically allows Verizon ownership of milk production. It is a hugely over broad patent, limiting other businesses from being able to compete in the voice over IP market. Further, it allows Verizon to profit from prior art, in existence without any innovation or creativity on thier part, simply because they filed the patent first. They are using the patent system to monopolize the market, as Vonage has a more well known and less expensive VOIP product that theirs. Instead of innovating and creating a better product than Vonage, Verizon is saying to it’s customers and the rest of the country “Don’t worry, soon you will only have our paltry VOIP product to choose from, then you won’t miss the cheaper, more effective service.”

Sadly, when this case first went to trial, I actually thought the factfinders would be able to see that this is not an innovator protecting hard work and creativity, but a massive corporation seeking to drive competition out of the market. They didn’t. They upheld the patent. Now hope rests in the appellate court.

Which is why I need a hopeful optimist. Nick held the job prior to his death. He would always remind me why the system generally works, point out the reasons behind the flaws, and encourage me to find a way to fight to correct the system. Unfortunately, he is no longer here to provide that much needed service. Anyone else wish to step up to the plate?