Interview by fire?

Oh my god was that awful!
No one was mean, no one was unprofessional, but they didn’t ask me anything substantive, and they spent the whole interview making me defend my experience.

“The sky is blue” they would say.

“I like blue” Said I.

“”No, the sky is green.” they would say.

“Well, I suppose I could see some green in the sky, under certain circumstances.” Said I.

“Green is bad.” Said they.


They asked me how I thought my past experience would help in the position, and then intensely dissected my answers. If I said I thought my attention to detail and ability to create a story to surround the facts and elements was a benefit they would respond by telling me I wouldn’t have time to pay attention to any detail or weave any stories. If they said many people were exhausted by the amount of time spent with people, and I said I was a people person and really enjoyed the energy, they would say I would not have any time to spend with people and would instead be an island unto myself.

Worst of all, they kept telling me that most of the people who had a background like mine couldn’t cut it. They told me one person quit after a single day. Then they asked me how I felt about that! They said they didn’t want to waste their time on training up someone who was just going to leave because they couldn’t hack it.

I was almost at the point of telling them that short of whipping out a crystal ball and predicting where I was 6 years down the road I couldn’t tell them more than I will do my best, and I think I would be very good at it.

I cut out the crystal ball part.

Well, at least I have finally had my first serious legal interview, and will know in the future what to expect. Of course, I will likely never interview again, and will instead devote my life to making googly eyed hats with dripping madibles and selling them on ebay.

Trial by interview…

Tomorrow at 9 a.m.

That’s when I get to interview with the remaining staff at the D.A.’s office. Tomorrow I will learn if the week long refresh of criminal law and procedure was enough to pass muster, or if I will resort to blindly staring at the interviewers while crickets chirp in the recesses of my mind.

I am really, really nervous.

Where’s the damn manual??

Why isn’t there a manual for life? Why do I have to make decisions and choices? No one told me when I was younger that growing up meant having to make things up as I went along.

Last week I was thrilled at the idea of working full time outside the house at the D.A.’s office. This week, after watching Otter respond to my being gone for classes and dental appointments, I have a hollow space under my heart at the thought of leaving him, and Monkey, to 40+ hour a week non-mommy care.

Now, if I work from home I will feel guilty if I don’t earn enough money, and if I work outside the home I will feel guilty about being gone so much. Are there any guilt free choices at all?

What do I do? Do I believe in myself wholly and throw caution to the wind, along with an advertising budget, equipment costs, and god knows what else to establish my own practice? Thereby giving up the chance at mentor-ship, a steady paycheck, and guided experience so I can spend more time with my little man, easing his transition to big kid, and be here for after school, sick days, and dinner time for both kids? Is that the right thing to do?
Or, do I focus on my career now, having given him nearly two years with a nigh constant mommy, and embrace my steady, if likely paltry, paycheck, and some solid training to go along with it?

I will likely earn a lot more sooner if I stay in my own practice, and succeed at it, than I will ever earn at the D.A.’s office. However, my chances of earning a ton in the future increase significantly with a few years put in at the D.A.’s office. Of course, any future position would likely be at a major law firm, thereby requiring 60-80 hour work weeks, so I would probably never see my children again there either. My other choice would be starting a law practice, which I can continue to do now, right?

I am talking in circles to myself, going over and over these issues, and finding myself less able to decide between them with each passing day. What choice should I make? Do I listen to the ache inside my heart responding to Otter’s increased neediness caused by my recent absences? Do I listen to the sigh in my head at the thought of passing up another career chance? Do I go to therapy to reconcile the damn voices in my head, just in case I am actually losing my mind?

Will one of you friggin brilliant friends of mine write a damn manual on how to do this shit already?