My silver lining is tarnishing…

I try really hard to look at the world as positively as possible. As someone who lives every day with pain, and most of them with above moderate to severe pain, I have to keep a positive outlook or I spiral into a dark tunnel of despair and dismay.

So I Pollyanna a lot. I find the silver lining to my troubles. For example, I can’t work anymore because I am too sick, but I get to be home for my kids and family.

Right now I am having a hard time finding a cheerful silver lining. For the past few weeks I have had increasingly odd symptoms. My left foot is always tingling and now reacts to touch with shivers, my hands and fingers are swollen and stiff and it hurts to use them. I get neuropathic pin pricks in my arms and legs. All of this stuff is new.

As for the old stuff, it’s acting up as well, facial pain and scalp sensitivity acting up, headache higher than normal, skin sensitivity dialed up to 11.

In short, my body is trying to tell me something that is really not good.

I’m in line to see the doc next week but until then I am just trying to polish up my can do attitude while my body increasingly tells me I can’t.

That siren sound.

i hate this nasty new disease
this virus that imperils each breath 
that has me reading portents in a sneeze,
and peering round corners looking for death. 
did you know sirens have a dying sound
a sort of fucked up banshee wail? 
it’s the sound of a life winding down
as the body of a neighbor begins to fail. 
every day we hear the lazy cry 
as the ambulance crawls to a stop 
at door of another family nearby
waiting for the final shoe to drop. 
you feel a shameful creeping disbelief
as the stretcher moves up another’s walk 
and your shoulders sag in relief
when the siren moves on up the block. 


M. Morehead  – 4/26/2020 

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