Despite the otherwise generous nature of our home planet she has very little give, especially when you are testing that give with the back of your head having encountered black ice on your walk home.
Did you know a concussion is a lot like being way too drunk? I now do. I had the “Why did I drink THAT many margaritas?” spins for three days. Now I just have the “Am I really feeling the Earth move?” dizzies.
Totally a word, dizzies. Promise.
Don’t believe me though, I’m concussed. My brain is compromised.
Where was I?… Oh right, don’t hit the Earth with your head. Or anything really, don’t hit the Earth. Why would you do that? It’s mean! The Earth was just trying to help!
Damn it. I did it again.
Boy I hope my holiday Amazon Handmade listings aren’t this … creative.
One of the things that truly sucks about Fibromyalgia is that you are going along your life in a generally halfway decent state of activity and stout denial and then BLAMMO you can’t do anything.
Today I woke up and I was winded going downstairs. Making coffee was too hard for me to do. I tried to assemble a new catbox cover and opening one side of the box wore me out.
I spent the first 5 hours of the day lying on my bed in my pajamas listening to a book on tape because it was all I had the energy to do. Even now, writing this, my fingers are aching and my hands hurt and I am getting freaking winded from typing.
I don’t know when I will wake up again and have the energy to go to the gym or walk the dog or even bathe. Worst of all, right now, it’s even hard to breathe. My chest muscles and the nerves in my chest seem to believe that lifting my lungs up and down is a little too much for them to handle. I’m gasping sitting still and dizzy going downstairs.
Two days ago I walked 3.5 miles with the dogs happily and without getting winded. Yesterday I swam for 45 minutes and though I could feel the weakness settling into my arms I could still use them. Today I am a twisted, broken, incapable thing.
I never believed I would get this far and now I am nibbling my nails and hanging on tenterhooks because I only have 6 days to get my remaining backers or the project fails!
It’s so much stress and anticipation. I had hoped that offering this Kickstarter would bring my art into the broader world, and it has, but it’s much more difficult to be mellow about failing when I am this close to success! I am not sure I would do this again.