Here are a few of the random moments I have jotted down with the laudable intention of turning them into a blog post of great humor and detail. Like all such grandiose endeavors, this idea was dashed to the ground by the time consuming and chubby fists of babyhood.

So instead I bring you Humorous Highlights from the Law and Motherhood (sanitarium) household.

In the doghouse:

Devon: “The doggie dictator Pisspot returns from the peeing fields of DogBodia!”

In the Kitchen:

Lee: “By the way honey, you look beautiful, and the house looks fantastic.”
Me: pause “Why are you trying to creep me out?”

At dinner:

Me: “The meat is a little salty, I was trying to do that crust thing you do, but I don’t think it worked.”
Lee: grimace “No honey, it’s fine. I like salty meat, and I think it’s really interesting how you managed to get the salt in the crust to permeate all the way through the meat. Great flavor!”

Concerning “sexual relations”:

Me: “The kids are asleep… we could go fool around a little.”
Lee: “Oooh, we could!…. but I was going to play World of Warcraft.”
Me: “Sweet! I am almost level 43! Can you take me hunting for dragonscale?”

The scene opens on a mother resting on the living room couch. She is listening to father and son in the kitchen. The father is doing dishes, having placed the infant son in his high chair with an empty oatmeal tube to play with.
Mother hears the soft thud of the oatmeal tube again and again, as the baby enthusiastically pushes it off the highchair tray and onto the floor, gleefully leaning forward as he watches it fall and bounce.

Thud

Thud

Thud

The thudding stops.

“Young man,” says the father “there are only so many times I am going to pick that up for you. So, you’ve got to ask yourself… Do you feel lucky?”

The mother cracks up.