Another “Topo” moment…

I borrow the above lingo from my friend Kate. I have been experiencing an increasing number of unpleasant side effects from the Topomax. (My medication of choice for controlling the Dr. Strangelove style seizure accompanying my form of Epilepsy.)

Yesterday and today I have been trying to ignore a ridiculous level of joint pain and the sense that someone took a whip to the bottoms of my feet for several hours. My gums are super sensitive to pressure, bleed at the drop of a hat, and the inside of my lips feel as though I have been sucking on sour candy for days on end. The most frustrating part is that my doctor is refusing to consider that these problems may be caused by the drug. As if, in addition to suddenly coming down with Epilepsy, I have also simultaneously developed sudden onset rhumetoid arthritis, gingivitis, and a number of other ailments.

I asked her if she had ever heard of Occam’s Razor, or the law of parsimony, and then promptly scheduled an appointment with the University of Colorado Advanced Neurology Department. Thanks to a friend’s Mama, who works there, I will be seen at the end of the month. It usually takes four to sixth months to get in to see these doctors, as this is the national leading clinic for the treatment and care of Epilepsy. I am happy there are people who love me and are willing to call in favors for me right now. Bless them.

I am feeling less scattered, but still seem to be forgetting words. This terrifies me on so many levels, because I rarely if ever forget anything. One of the reasons the law appealed to me, litigation in particular, is my ability to recall, with nigh perfect clarity, conversations, things I have read, etc.  It has helped me in the courtroom on more than one occassion. This “side effect” of losing short term memory and being unable to remember words is making my job very difficult to do indeed. I am going to have to stop this drug for that reason alone if it gets any worse, regardless of how effective it has been at preventing migraines and seizures.

I only have two weeks until the new doctors examine my files, my tests, and me. Maybe they will have a different take on medication. Maybe Topomax is not the one for me, despite being 22 pounds thinner and headache free, I am thinking the downsides outnumber the up.

Jaguarundi lawsuit goes live, June 17th…

On behalf of my client, WildEarth Guardians, who has graciously granted permission to discuss the details of the case in the press and blogosphere, I filed suit against Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar on June 17th for failure to prepare and implement a recovery plan for two sub-species of Jaguarundi.

As we chose to file in Texas, I filed pro hac vice, through local counsel Pete Thompson of Thompson Marsh. Filing Pro Hac basically means Pete kindly agreed to let me file under his license and reputation with the Texas bar, as I am not licensed in that jurisdiction.

To summarize our claim a little; the Endangered Species Act requires the Secretary of the Interior develop and implement recovery plans for endangered and threatened species as ultimate purpose of the Act is to recover species to the point that the protections of the Act are no longer necessary. Well, these two sub-species of Jaguarundi were listed as endangered one year before Star Wars, A New Hope hit the big screen, and the Secretary still doesn’t have a recovery plan in place to help insure these species survival. We are arguing that this is undue delay and are asking the court order the Secretary prepare and implement such a plan posthaste.

There is a lot more legalese in the complaint, which you can read in the press release linked to above or again here. (You really don’t have to read it though. I won’t be hurt if you choose not to. I promise.)

Wish us luck!!

ESA Recovery Plan World Cloud

* ESA Recovery Plan word cloud created using Wordle

I’m equal to it… fuck that… I am more than equal to it.

I used to believe I could do anything.

Over the past few years I began to realize that belief was born more of my youth and ignorance than it was of any innate capability or superhuman ability. I began to doubt myself, curb my own enthusism, stop tooting my own horn.

Well, as my dearly departed godmother Arie used to say “If you don’t tooteth your own horn, your horn will remain untooteth.”

So today I decided that realization was just plain wrong.

Clearly, whily my youthful self was woefully mistaken about things such as choosing first husbands and the wisdom of pairing three inch heels with stretch pants, she was wise beyond her years in the believing in myself department. This current me could stand to learn a lot from the sheer unmitigated temerity and chutzpah that younger me had when it came to believing what she deserved. Why is that?

Why should a teenaged girl with no credentials be more determined to believe she deserves the world on a platter than a thirty something with a resume peppered with successful interships and clerkships, a pile of degrees, and licenses lining her walls? If anything the roles should be reversed. I should be more willing to demand the world now than I have ever been, or at the least, more willing to believe I deserve it, should my hard work and diligence result in a nicely sized slice.

Yet, here I am. Can I?…. Should I?…. Have I paid enough dues?….Worked hard enough?….Do I have enough experience?…..Is everyone else out there better than me?/smarter than me?/more prepared than me?/better connected than me?…

Oh how that list drones on.

Today I decided to throw the list out. Tear it up, throw it out, tell my older, “wiser” self to shut the fuck up, and start believing in myself again.

Let me tell you something my teenaged self knew intrinsically; no one else out there in the world is going to come along and reinforce you. Your boss isn’t going to come along and tell you how amazing you are, and how much they need you at the company, and hand you a promotion. If you want to get ahead, you are going to have to believe you deserve it, and then make the people with the power to promote you believe you deserve it.

And if you are like me, and you have your own business, no one is going to walk into your door and tell you what an amazing business you have. You are going to have to sell them on it. Opening your doors to the world is like opening your heart and soul. You have to push them open, and them gather the world into them, so you had damn well better believe with ever fiber of your being that you are absolutely amazing. I have never met a client who went out of their way to tell me what an amazing lawyer I was, unless they started out as an old family friend.

So today marks the start of a new era of temerity and chutzpah.

Yes, I can do anything. I have my own business, I have a license to sue, and damn it, I am just that damn good.