Life’s not fair…

Struggle. We are in the midst of a fair amount of struggle. Between creating a business and paying for our existence on one salary, Lee and I have been clinging to edge for years now. We are hopeful, we remain cheerful most of the time, and we work really hard to try and improve our lives. However, each time we crawl up over the edge, each time we end a month in the black instead of the red, each time I get another client or another case, each time we get more money, something happens to smack us down.

It could be a medical crises for a dog, a broken pair of $600 glasses, a broken root canal requiring fixing, or any other myriad of things. Something always happens to wipe out our pathetic savings account and leave us teetering once again on the edge.

Yesterday it was the complete and utter destruction of Lee’s laptop and backup hard drive. His pricey system (understandable for one in his industry) was crushed into non-existence by the critical failure of the shelving system we put in place above his desk, placed there to manage the very tiny space we both work in. The shelves failed and came crashing down onto his desk and laptop sending all of his important things to the floor at breakneck speed.

Everything is wrecked. Destroyed. Kaput.

We came home from a lovely barbecue with friends to an office floor covered in all of his most important things, broken and scattered about.

All I could think was, “We know life’s not fair, we have figured that particular lesson out, why another example?”

My poor husband, the man who tirelessly works to take care of this family, has nothing left of his most important personal things. Worst of all, we can’t afford to replace them. We have teetered on the edge for too long. It will be months before we can get him a system that will allow him to do everything he likes and needs to do with it. He will have to make do with the old workhorse I used in law school, my six year old laptop we gave to Marlena when I got my new business computer. It’s old and slow, it will process word documents and connect to the internet. That’s about it.

We are defeated. It’s a small thing compared to a death in the family or a very sick child, but it’s our personal albatross. We suffer from an unending line of high priced emergencies, wiping us out time and time again. We can never seem to reach the point where these emergencies are simply something to handle and move on from. We are trapped in a cycle of scrambling and desperation.

And all we can do is keep on scrambling.

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5 thoughts on “Life’s not fair…”

  1. I’m so sorry. It isn’t fair and it does suck and I wish it was even just a little easier.

    Maybe you’ve already tried it and it didn’t work for you but have you looked at the Dave Ramsey system? His show and politics are quite a bit further right than I am but his baby steps and basic philosophy have been a big help for our family.

  2. St. Augustine said in his book, City of God, that good and bad happen to the Christian and the non-Christian–it’s how we handle things that show the difference.

    With 5 boys, there’s always the opportunity to learn from “life’s not fair” incidents. What makes the difference between those who fail and those who succeed are those who pick themselves up from their devestation and try again.

    Sometimes our greatest failures are right before our greatest successes.

    I pray blessings and opportunity for you in the days to come:)

  3. Thank you both for the kinds thoughts and support. We appreciate it a lot! It helps to have other people shine a light on your shadows, makes them seem a lot brighter. 🙂

  4. Oh no. 😦 My computer died recently too, so I’m on my parent’s old one and I figured it probably wasn’t worth getting the internet for that clunker so I have “radio silence” night and weekends and most of my friends and family live far away and that’s our main form of contact. 😦 My friend recommended next time I get State Farm insurance to cover it since I always seem to kill them. My frustration is miniscule compared to this devastation- I can’t even imagine.

    I find I usually learn and grow the most during the difficult and trying periods in my life. Unfortunately, it usually takes the extremes to spark the growth, for whatever reason coasting along never does it. Whatever metaphor you want to use- breaking out of the cocoon, going through the eye of the needle, rebirth- it’s difficult, painful and a total pain in the ass.

    Keep your chin up-your focus and know that it will turn. It may not be tomorrow, or even in a month, but it will turn.

  5. Thank you Mtnlover! Today looks better than the day of, but then again, I am not the one operating on Ye ol internet Tortoise.

    Not having internet would make him more insane though.

    I would feel very isolated, as I am sure you do. I am sorry you suffer radio silence!

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