Fake it ’til you make it.

That is basically my new medical plan.  For now at least.  It turns out the fancy drugs they gave me to assist in fighting off the shadowboxer caused suicidal ideation.  Long term use of opiates does the same thing for me, so I am used to randomly being ready to hang up the towel when my brain chemistry is altered by various medications.

So I called my doctor and used the magic words.  “Dear Doctor So and So, I want to drop a piano on my head. Please advise”.  I had an appointment the next morning where he took me off all my currents medications and started me on all new ones.  He also ordered the following:

Go to sleep at the same time every night.

Wake up at the same time every day.

Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at about the same time every day.

Exercise every day.

Work at the same time every day.

He basically ordered a “Fake it ’til you make it” prescription.  I started it yesterday.  It was grueling.  I wanted to fall asleep at noon, so instead I spent two hours cleaning.  I ended up going to bed at ten.  Ten took forever to get here.

So, today I woke up to get the kids to school. Stayed up after seeing them off, made myself eat a healthy breakfast, and am now sitting down to work.  I assume someday this routine will reset my circadian rythyms and seem more natural, but for now, it feels a little like water boarding.  I keep forcing myself to keep doing stuff until it’s time to go to bed. 

 

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