All posts by Savvy Spoonie

I am an artist, writer, jeweler, and a Spoonie. Before becoming a Spoonie I was a very busy high achieving attorney and advocate bent on saving the world. Now I'm struggle to redefine my life to fit within my reduced energy level. Some days are better than others. I have fibromyalgia, trigeminal neuralgia, and chronic daily migraine.
frustration, parenting

My saga of the "single" parent continues…

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Remember the comment about the nice, calm, non-insane dogs?

Well I take it back! Andy got out of the yard today, leaving me wondering how the hell I am supposed to chase down a dog while carrying a 6 week old infant and trailing a 5 year old girl. The truth is, I can’t chase down Andy with an infant, I can hardly chase her down in supremely good condition with a team of four adults! Luckily, after only an hour of imagining her dead by the side of the road, (or worse, imagining the civil liability caused by a run away dog and families out for an evening stroll), the escape artist returned to the front door and barked politely to be let in. I swear to god I felt like answering the door and acting like I didn’t know her. Unfortunately it would have had an effect on no one but me, although it might have made me feel better nonetheless.

Otter has created his own “Buns of Steel” workout routine. He likes to be seated on my lap with my legs supporting his back and gently rocked back and forth. I think it mimics the motion of the car. Unfortunately, it really begins to tire out my legs, stomach, and glutes, especially after the hour of rocking he required today. (Size non-hippo here I come!)

Monkey was given a trip to the Evil Place for dinner as a treat because I am too tired to care about feeding her food completely devoid of any nutritional value. It’s one night, she will live. However, after this abnormal treat she still threw a massive screaming fit at bedtime, this time waking up the baby.

The same baby who had been crying and fussing for the previous hour, and had finally nursed himself to sleep. The baby who then cried and fussed for another hour until I got him to sleep only to be awakened by the cat stepping on him. He was so traumatized by said cat attack that he needed to nurse for another 40 minutes before he could sleep again, a nursing punctuated by loud yowling complaints and emphatic cries between suckles. When he was asleep this time my phone began to ring, and ring, and ring. It normally goes to voice mail after two rings, but tonight, the night from hell, it didn’t go to voice mail at all. So I woke him up answering the phone, which required another half hour of nursing. Happily it was Hatchet on the phone, so I got to recharge my weary mommy soul with the love and commiseration of one of my favorite friends. Thereafter my night began to get better.

Now he is asleep, she is asleep, the dogs are all inside, the cats are sleeping, I have had beer and adult conversation, and I might actually make it until Lee’s return without going into a corner of my house, wrapping my arms around my legs, and rocking back and forth chanting “I am an orange… I am an orange.”

The thing that is most unfair is that I can never leave Lee alone with the baby, Monkey, three dogs and three cats for five days while I am away at a cool conference in a chic city enjoying evenings out at funky bars with naked women on trapezes. I am the baby’s sole source of nourishment, so the most I can do is leave him with Lee for an hour while I get a haircut. After the past five days I want him to have to suffer too Damnit!

Since he can’t, there should be some sort of extra goody for me in lieu of equal suffering. I should get extra foot rubs, or more control over the tv remote, or more work-free orgasms. (Okay, to be honest, I would have to have any desire whatsoever for sexual activity in order to have more orgasms, work-free or otherwise, and frankly, I don’t. I had an 11 pound 6 ounce baby without any medication. I currently never intend to have sex again, thank you very much. There is nothing like natural childbirth to make one wary of the penis. It is a sneaky beast and cannot be trusted.)

Lee will be home tomorrow morning around 9 am, so I am in the home stretch. All I have to do it make through tonight, and then I can go back to being the sole caretaker of all these creatures for only 8-10 hours a day, instead of 24. With Lee back, maybe I can actually get a haircut so I stop dragging the ends of my hair through puddles of spit up!

Monkey, Otter

A photo opportunity…

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What does one do with small children to pass the time when it’s twenty minutes till bedtime and you haven’t slept in 6 weeks?

Take silly pictures of course!! (Note the funny look on Otter’s face.)

Here is Otter loving his sister. He is just fascinated by her. Every time she is around his eyes get wide, and he makes an ‘O’ shape with his mouth. She can calm him down, make him smile, keep him happy while I use the bathroom. It’s amazing.


She is justifiably proud of her abilities in the baby calming/entertaining arena. Here she is assisting Otter in the use of his alternative sucking device, known in our family as the “Bupper”.



Aren’t they cute together?

Here we three are being silly again. The photo shoot was a happy way to end the weekend. (Otter looks a wee perturbed in this shot. Maybe he is contemplating the Bush administration.)

Monkey, Otter, Pets

Of temper tantrums and bodily fluids…

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Why is it that the moment one parent leaves town, the kids go insane?

Lee is away at a Ruby on Rails conference with Devon, Morgan, and a few others representing Vonage in all it’s orangeness. My Dad was here until yesterday, so I only have two full days alone with one Monkey, one infant Otter, three dogs (I agreed to keep Devon’s dog Fitz, who lacks housetraining but normally will keep to a pee pad instead of hitting floors and carpet), and three cats. Shouldn’t be too bad right?

Let’s see… The night before I got up at 4:30 am to take Lee to the train station for his journey Monkey threw her first ‘Post little brother” fit. It was complete with screaming and crying and ended with the phrase “you don’t love me anymore, you only love Otter!” Sigh. Lee and I talked her down off a ledge, told her we did love her, and finally got her to sleep. However, Otter then kept me awake until almost 11, thereby giving me only 5 hours of interrupted, fitful sleep to work with upon Lee’s departure. I tried to go back to sleep after dropping him off, but Otter was awake and ready to eat, so it didn’t work. (It’s hard to sleep while a small creature sucks milk out of your nipple, but damn it I am going to master it eventually!)

The next sign that my week without Lee would be more challenging than initially anticipated came when Fitz decided to deviate from the perfectly acceptable pee pad behavior and instead poop on the carpet. Not wanting to risk a rental deposit of astronomical proportions, I cleaned up the mess and confined Fitz to a large linoleum area with temporary toddler fencing. She has still not deigned to hit the pee pad conveniently located near her, but at least she can’t destroy the linoleum. Sigh. (As if I was not already handling enough human waste, now I have to handle doggy waste too!)

The week continued with Monkey waking up at four am two nights ago with a nightmare, and last night having wet the bed, causing me to lose even more sleep than I normally do taking care of the baby. Of course I had failed to wash her previously dirty sheets so when I opened it at 4 am, the sheet cupboard was bare. Sigh. Additionally she has managed to use every tactic in the book to delay bedtime each night this week, leaving her very tired and cranky during the day. Joy!! (She was very well behaved today though, until bedtime, so I am thankful for that.)

Happily my dogs have not gone mad, yet, and Otter is only slightly more cranky and fussy than normal, so things are not as bad as they could be. However, why is it this crap happens when you are already taking a hit for the team?