Dear World,

I am Monkey and I hold the exalted position of “The First Baby” in the Law and Motherhood household. My brother, Otter, agrees that I am by far the most interesting thing that has ever happened to the universe.

I am six. I am growing and learning every day. I am at a very observant and funny age, or so my mother tells me. I certainly know I have been able to make my parents laugh a lot lately, which is one of my favorite things to do.

On the trip to Virginia I overheard my mother tell my father that her breasts felt like they were going to explode. I understood how she felt, I told them I felt like my bottom was going to explode. I wasn’t quite sure why they laughed as hard as they did, but I kept it going, telling them my knees were going to explode, my arms, etc.
Mommy explained that the bottom comment was funny, because it could mean I needed to poop really badly, and the timing had the element of surprise, but the other comments weren’t as funny. Still, I was quite pleased with my success as a comedian.

I am very interested in a lot of things right now, but the two most interesting to me are the piano and photography. I have been taking piano lessons for the last month and a half, and I am playing very well. I seem to have a real aptitude for music, which really should come as no surprise to anyone who has heard me sing all day. My mother gave me her old camera, and I have been taking hundreds of pictures with it. I think I am getting pretty good at it, though Mom tells me I have always been able to create a good picture. I have been taking pictures of my parents on family trips since I was three.

It has been a busy year here. I am excited for christmas, and really happy to have Otter to play with. Mommy tells me she is always surprised and grateful for how happy I am to have him, but I keep telling her, he’s so cute, and so happy, and so soft, of course I love him. I just don’t understand why I wouldn’t.

My favorite thing to do with him right now is to sneak up on him and say “Ga Ga” really loudly. It makes him laugh, over and over again. I also like to jump in the playpen and help him stack doughnuts. We have a lot of fun together. He likes it when I read him stories, and when he can rip my hair out. I don’t really like that last part, but I understand it is part of having a baby brother.

Well, Mom just turned the XBOX on for me, so I best be off. I am determined to win Lego Star Wars.

Oh yeah, Mom says “Don’t forget to enter the Spa Contest.” Don’t worry, I understand, she is always nagging me to do stuff too.

Dear world,

I am Otter. I hold the exalted position of “The Baby” in the Law and Motherhood household. It is a position laden with heavy responsibilities, such as smiling at people, being coy, and getting into everything my limited reach will allow. I am busily trying to figure out my world, and encounter new aspects of it every day.

A few days ago I encountered “pot roast”. In it’s pureed form, it is by far the best baby food I have ever tasted. I really enjoyed the mixture of carrots, potatoes, roast beef, celery, and broth. It seems to have helped me sleep a little more at night, I think it keeps my tummy fuller, longer. (My tummy is rarely ever completely full, as it is a demanding tummy.)

I am working really hard on crawling, but I still refuse to endure the indignities of “tummy time”. I was told by various sources that I needed that dreaded time to strengthen my back muscles and learn to crawl. Well, I have replaced the back strengthening with some crazy arm antics, and have decided to make the crawling move from a seated position. It is a little tricky, but so far I can get both hands on the floor, and up onto one knee. I usually fall over before I can get the other knee into place, but I am confident I will soon master this technique. When I do, it will prove once and for all that tummy time torture is not something I need to endure. Maybe one of you could tell my mom?

I have a lot more work to do today, I plan on eating the phone when my mom isn’t looking, in addition to jumping in my jumper, mastering that foot transition, and playing the “drop it, pick it up” game with mom, so I should probably go. Please remember to tell mom I don’t need tummy time, as soon as I get that foot thing figured out. I keep trying to convince her, but every time I do, she just looks at me and says “shush shush, it’s okay” or “Ungee? Agoo?”. I am beginning to think she has very limited language skills.

I am heading into the middle of my second year as a stay at home parent, and I am getting comfortable with my role as universal kleenex, vomit target, and bodily function disposal device. I enjoy having the chance to play with my kids and help them develop their own unique personalities. I believe I am getting good at helping them understand the world. Most of my days are good, or even great.

However, the sleep deprivation coupled with the increased need for patience and cheerfulness is wrecking havoc on my system. I am so tired by the time the afternoon comes around that I am desperate for sleep and quiet. Instead, my afternoons usually consist of playtime with singing, chatting, questing, and crying children. I have to come up with creative ways to entertain said children, assist them with their homework, and begin to prepare for dinner. It is loud and interactive, it requires great patience, and it in no way resembles sleep.

I told my father last night, I am in GITMO, with Elmo. I am being subjected to repeated and intense sleep deprivation, much like I might experience if I were being questioned in violation of the Geneva Convention. However, I am required, in this sleep deprived state, to be cheerful, and inventive, and energetic, much like Elmo.

Now I agree that actually being in GITMO with Elmo would be much worse than what I experience. In fact, it would likely be much worse than anything I am ever likely to experience.

Regardless, it is a challenge to grasp and cling to my creativity and patience when I am woken at all hours of the night, every night, for months, with no pattern or schedule in sight. It is the biggest challenge of my life to stay cheery, and restrain myself from snapping at my kids, when I am more tired than I have ever been.

So, in honor of the sleeplessness experienced by all new parents, I propose a new contest! The winner will receive a $50 SpaFinder gift certificate, good at over 4000 spas. Go get a massage, or a facial, and try to regain your sense of peace!

How do you enter? Simply leave a comment (with a contact email) sharing your own sleepless story below this post! Any story of sleeplessness will do. You need not have children, your children can be grown, you can have thirty children, any story will enter you for the prize.

I will place all the contact emails in a hat on the 14th of December, and will pluck out one lucky winner! (Okay, Monkey will pluck out one lucky winner, she loves having the power to award a prize.)

Good luck and I look forward to hearing your stories!