Goodnight sweetheart… it’s time to go.

It is hard to let go of a dream, especially one that came so close to being realized.

I find myself mourning the loss of the first female president. It is a loss I feel deeply, within the marrow of my bones. It curls up inside me and grabs a hold of a lifetime of resentment, anger, and fear. My sorrow is fed by the myriad of sexist comments that came out of the woodwork during this debate, and by the calm reaction most of our society had to those remarks. There was no uproar really, we almost treated these comments like legitimate political concerns.

My sorrow wraps itself around my spirit like a confirmation. It reminds me that I am not crazy, that sexism is still ripe, real, and common.

Briefly my spirit had wings, it rose above decades of experience, it ignored the misogynist sallies tossed into the wind, it believed. It soared on her campaign, reveling in each accomplishment, and so did I.

Now it sits, quietly, and waits to see how bad the disappointment will be. Will she play a role? Will any woman be placed on the ticket? Will this barrier breaking candidate break two at once or will he be content with shattering his particular glass ceiling?

Goodnight Hillary, thank you for fighting. Your strength fed my spirit, your tenacity made me proud.

A little bit of rice goes a long way

I have been desperately trying to keep Otter happy and busy while I get some work done. There are bar applications to finalize, writing samples to perfect, and cover letters to come up with. Unfortunately all these things take time and concentration. I have a hard time writing anything clever with a small and insistent person pulling on my pant leg and crying.

Yesterday I gave Otter a pan of uncooked rice, a spoon, and a measuring cup in the desperate hope he would grant me twenty minutes to work. He gave me an hour. Of course, some of that time I spent capturing it all on camera.

Rice rice everywhere

Ooh Rice

What a mess!!

rice rice everywhere

Rice in Harmony

Rice in Harmony

Mmm… a spoonful of rice.

Bowl of fun

Now this makes me happy

Now this makes me happy

Change

Well, it looks like my girl isn’t getting presidential nomination. Trust the Dems to come up with two powerful status quo breaking candidates for the same election. I only hope Hillary get the VP nomination, we need to unify the dems against McCain. After all, now we, a relatively moderate to conservative nation, are facing a national election between the most liberal senator, and a relatively moderate conservative. It’s going to be a fight.

I am worried because Obama hasn’t had to deal with the republican spin machine, and they are amazing at catching and holding the attention of the American public. One of the reasons I have been a Hillary supporter is that I am secure in her ability to shake off any mud that gets slung at her. She has had all her dirty laundry hung out in public so many times already and is still a powerhouse. I am concerned that Obama may have a skeleton or two in his closet that the Republicans can use to chip away at his armor and strengthen McCain’s position in the national race.

I will be considering a relocation to Canada if we manage to lose another presidential race to the republican party.

It would be great if Obama and Hillary ran together. I believe they stand a better chance against McCain if they have the support of all the Dems behind them, and all the non-dems who have backed them in the primaries.

That having been said, I need to spank a few people. If you have said you would vote for McCain if your democratic candidate didn’t win the nomination you are an idiot. This is not a popularity contest, it is an election for the leader of our nation. You should be voting for the choice that offers you the best representation, the person whose ideals most closely aligns with yours. If you can say you would vote for Hillary, but not Obama, than you are not voting the issues. Rethink your position please, it lacks sense.

I am going to be buried under work for the next few days. I am rewriting my writing sample for job interviews and preparing to start the moving process. Therefore I may not post as often as usual.

A whole lotta love…

The closer I get to returning home the harder it gets to go. I never thought I would say this but New Jersey isn’t such a bad place to be. Maybe it’s the people, maybe it’s the proximity to NYC, but being here doesn’t have the sting it used to.

Tonight I went to see Sex in the City with Ellen and Tiff. We had dinner, drinks, a fantastic movie about love, and lots of laughter.

On the way home I thought about family. How lucky am I that I have people I love so much, both here and back in Colorado? In the past two years I have found this amazing group of people I can call my own. Some of them came here with me, and our bonds were strengthened in the move, but some of them are new to my heart. These people love me when I am noisy and obnoxious, forgive me when I hermit away in my house for days on end, and are willing to overlook the fact that I wore cheap high heeled red flip-flops to go see a movie filled with Manolos.

I am sad that returning home means leaving… home. In the not too distant future I will not be a train ride away from Broadway. I will no longer go down the shore. I won’t here people say “whattaya gonna do?” and “fahgeddabowdit”. I won’t go berry picking with the Moms Club or shopping at Wegman’s. No around me will know what a pork roll is. There will be no more super fresh fish, and no more Sunday gelato. Everyone will think I am the pushy asshole when I get behind the wheel of my car.

Living on the East coast is all about surviving on the East coast. No one meanders through life here. It’s rush, and push, and get the fuck outta my way you stupid ass what on earth do you think you are doing!! It’s an attitude I have learned and adopted through two years in one of the most populated States in our nation. I have found the checker at the Wegman’s who will sneak me into the express lane, the waiter who will pour me the strongest drink, and great friends.

Somehow, out here in the last place I ever wanted to be, I found a whole lotta love.

Leaving is going to break my heart.