I have always been considered an extrovert. I grew up loving the energy found in large groups of people, especially at nightclubs, drum circles, concerts. I used to get energized by being around hundreds of people.
Lately I have been longing for my fortress of solitude. A place where I can lock myself away from the outside world and simply be. Parties tire me out, nightclubs leave me with a sense of ennui, and drum circles don’t fit me very well anymore. The only places I am fully comfortable these days are career oriented. I walk away from networking functions feeling energized and motivated even though I just spent an hour having small talk with a bunch of people I just met.
Maybe it’s because there is so little drama in professional events. I don’t have to worry about dealing with the myriad of petty matters that can arise when large groups of friends drink together. Mostly I just have to worry about spilling wine on my new colleague’s coat.
Frivolity doesn’t fit me very well right now, in fact it stresses me out. There is so much I need to do right now, so many different actions I need to take. I am building something and trying damn hard to make a positive difference as I do it. I want my choices to change the world, even if its only in small ways, such as parking in the church lot five blocks from work where the money I spend each day will be used to turn the lot into something beautiful for the community. I want my actions to make a difference. I want to save species, fight injustice, and fix some of things I consider broken. My life focus is different than it used to be and I am finding very few people who share it outside of my professional sphere.
So I long for a fortress of solitude, a giant walled kingdom far away where I can hide with my family between battles for the world. (My fortress would not be made of ice and would definitely have internet. Fast internet.)
Sounds kind of like my hermit cave. You can come live with me in my hermit cave. No, wait, then it wouldn’t be a hermit cave. Never mind.
I think there’s a fortress of solitude across the street from the hermit cave. I’ll see whether it’s for sale.
I’m totally a hermit these days – I remember after my first baby spending all my time driving or at the mall. I felt a need to be around people – like being alone with that little boy might be too much for me. But time and more babies have put me in a place where I love nothing better than being alone with my family – at least most of the time! And with internet of course….
There must be room for ME in that kingdom with fast internet. Don’t forget.