How are your spoons?

It’s a question I get asked a lot now that family and close friends have begun learning the new lingo. For myself, I have been getting used to managing a chronic medical illness and the attendant drop in energy that goes with it.

Sometimes I push too hard, such as preparing for Dan’s 40th birthday party. When that happens my body immediately lets me know. I find the next day it’s nearly impossible to do much more than mere basics.

I am, however, managing.

I found a three year old non-profit focused on educating the general population about migraine disorders and finding funding for more treatment options. I joined it. I am applying what I learned in the hospital to my life, I am working to get the treatment plans moving forward. I am managing.

MHNI uses a 0-5 pain scale for migraine, with zero being none and five being debilitating. For the last five months I have had a four or five headache nearly every day. Since the hospital I have stayed at a two or so with only two fives. It’s an improvement. I’ll take it.

Since returning I have increased my daily activities. I played with my kids over spring break, I cook, I clean. I have a bit more energy each day, unless I spend too many spoons and set myself back. I am hopeful.

There are still stressors. I get frustrated with my lowered energy level. It sucks the talking and laughing can cause my jaw to hurt. There is still a small voice inside me that screams out “It’s not fair!!”. On the other hand, I beat Batman 2 on the Wii with my young man yesterday and I got my young lady a gorgeous new silk blouse at the thrift store with my mother. I walked the dog, I sat in the sun, I plan to start gardening, and soon, return to work.

It’s going to get better.