It’s been getting harder to keep a stiff upper lip lately. The more I hurt the more I feel the panic monster claw at my resolve. I was getting so much better and now I am returning to the me who couldn’t do anything.

I want so much to wake up one morning and not feel my head pound. I want to smile without my face hurting and spend a day without some odd slicing sensation marching across my cheek. It’s been over ten months since this headache started. Ten months has made it into as much of me as my fingers or toes. It’s become a part of household, a thing we all try to work around.

I am still doing things to seek improvement. I run, I swim, I visit doctors, but my hope is circling the drain along with my energy levels.

A long life seems impossibly tiring when viewed through this lens. My very simple daily routine is so exhausting when I hurt like this it seems my body will just stop being able to generate enough energy at some point, like a rechargeable battery, ever losing just a bit of my capacity for power.

Basically, it sucks.

There. Pouty lip has had it’s say. Now it’s back to being strong.

After nearly 4 months of zero mayofacial neuritis my old enemy has returned.

About a week ago my left cheek began feeling as though it was being slapped all the time, yesterday the random moments of slicing sensation returned.

There is something so exhausting and dispiriting about wandering around feeling as though someone is slicing through my cheekbone with a thin blade. It’s shocking, and surprising, and difficult to work through. It detracts from my ability to pay attention in a significant way, leaving me shaken and tired every day.

I really hate this thing.

I have been doing so well. Swimming 2 miles a week, running three days a week, walking wherever I can. I have been sleeping and keeping my caffeine intake low and my water intake high. I have been working part time and taking the kids hiking, swimming, and adventuring.

I have begun to crawl back into my life and I have been succeeding at it.

Now this evil bastard comes along and is trying it’s level best to pull back under the tides of despair and exhaustion. It’s enough to make a girl wanna cry. You know, if crying didn’t make my head hurt.