Advice from a spoonie …

Look! I made it back to the blog within a few weeks! Maybe I will get off my tuckus and start writing here on a normal basis again.

I’ve been thinking about getting into the realm of advising people on managing chronic pain with minimal medical intervention, after they have exhausted medical attempts without success of course. If you can find a working medical intervention use it, this shit sucks.

I have been painting a lot lately because I find it gentle enough to do on bad days and distracting enough to use as a pain management skill. As a result I am taking some online classes in art therapy coaching. Why not right?

So I got to thinking, what do I do to manage a headache that is nearly six years old? What are the things I do now, without thinking, that a relatively new daily headache sufferer wouldn’t think to do. So I thought I would give writing them down a try.

  1. Forgive yourself all the things. If you paint other people with your own disappointment at your limitations you will harm yourself. Most likely they are feeling sad that they can’t help you, not disappointed in what you can’t do.
  2. Set reasonable goals. Recognize that “Shower and dress” is a perfectly reasonable goal for an entire day. Feel good when you accomplish it.
  3. Be proud of your accomplishments. Do not, under any circumstances, compare your current accomplishments with your past accomplishments. They will never measure up.
  4. It’s okay to mourn your losses. You don’t have to keep a stiff upper lip. You’ve lost quite a lot, if not nearly everything. That’s hard. Cry, yell a little, talk about how unfair it is to someone you trust.
  5. It’s okay to have fun when you feel up to it. Especially early on friends and family can take a good day or a few good hours as a sign that you are getting better. It can start to feel like you should always behave in a way that reminds them you are sick so you don’t provide them with false hope. You don’t. If you feel decent, enjoy it. Bask in it like sunshine.
  6. Talk about what you are going through. I’ve found people are really understanding and cool about chronic illness so long as you give them a chance to understand. You can’t keep the bad parts hidden and expect your loved ones to magically get what you need. I tell people there is a high chance I will need to cancel plans with them when I make them. We reschedule a lot. I also tell them I may need to change plans from fun evening out to low key evening in. I talk about not being able to be in loud places or places with too much perfume. So long as I have been open about my limitations I have never had anyone be shitty with me about them.
  7. Don’t let your own guilt push you beyond your capability. You will make your next day much worse if you do. Possibly the one after that.
  8. Don’t self isolate. Find someone who experiences something similar to you to talk to, even if only over text or FB. Chronic pain isolates you naturally and it’s easy to turn into a hermit. I fight that every day. Try to find ways to join in activities with your friends and family, even if you have to ask for emergency back up plans. I have had to ask for friends to let me lie down in a spare bedroom until someone could come pick me up.
  9. Exercise. This one is tricky because it depends on your issue but I find exercise helps both my chronic migraine and my fibromyalgia. I walk whenever I can and try to add swimming and yoga regularly. Sometimes I succeed for weeks on end, other times I take weeks off. Chronic pain is like that. That’s ok too.
  10. Take care of your caregivers. You have limitations and they restrict what you can do but make sure you spend some of the spoons you have on the people who help you out the most. Do the extra dishes for your mom or spouse when you are feeling ok, listen to the troubles they are having even if you aren’t feeling ok. Hold their hand when that’s all you can do and always, always, tell them how much you appreciate their efforts and help. Make sure they feel they are more than just your caregiver, that they are your friend or mom or dad or spouse as well. Find a small thing you can do regularly to let them know it isn’t all about you despite the fact that you have a chronic illness.

That’s what comes to mind tonight. I am sure there will be more as I try to sleep, unsuccessfully. I hope you are all as well as can be and I wish you a night of good sleep and low pain levels.

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