At all!! Nope, not a bit. I am still pregnant. Getting more pregnant every day!! Oh boy yes am I pregnant!! You know what I never want to do again?? Get pregnant!!!!

Let’s see, updates and news from the hugely, massively, was just given my own zip code, pregnant.

Well… I fell and hit my head on a chair at the beginning of the week, so I have been lying down with a headache and ice on my skull watching Veronica Mars for three days. (Ben, thank you for Veronica Mars, I have now purchased the second season, as I finished the first in your estimated three day time frame.) I had the doctor look at the head injury and she thinks I bruised it far beneath the skin and should just take it easy. For the most part, I can move around for about an hour now before I get a headache and want to go lie down. Yesterday I added a stuffy nose to the increasing list of late pregnancy discomforts.

I have managed to gain nine pounds in six days. I am assured by highly qualified medical personnel that this is water weight gain, however, my doctor may have been trying to talk me down off a ledge when she made that assurance as I was completely freaking out. (I mean come ON, that is a pound and a half a day!!) However, I am inclined to believe her due to the cocktail sausage-esque nature of my toes and fingers. It’s a good thing I can’t really see my feet. It is also a good thing that I removed my aircraft grade titanium wedding band and engagement ring many months ago, as there are no area hospitals with the tools required to cut them off.

Monkey has caught a cold or something and has been tucked into bed with a fever and many kisses. We are supposed to go to Ellen’s and dye Easter Eggs tomorrow, so I am hoping she is better when we wake up. If not, it will be the broken caring for the sick as I hobble between her room and mine. (Another day wishing my mother were here. Oh mom, why did I move so far away?)

I did leave the house today for the aforementioned visit with the doctor, so I met Lee for lunch at his office and got a new shirt at Marshalls. It is a lovely shirt, that sadly, does not make me look smaller. Of course, this is because nothing would make me look smaller, except perhaps standing me next to the Titanic, or the Goodyear Blimp, or another similarly large object. There is no more masking the enormity of my belly with “sleek” black maternity clothes and trying for cute. I am officially huge. My very face and neck look pregnant. I have grown past the capacity of most of my maternity clothes and am considering living in my pajama’s for the next several days.

I may have to consider the fact that I may the first woman in history who never actually goes into labor. Ellen’s husband Dan assures me a very good living on the talk show circuit if that is the case, so I suppose every cloud has a silver lining.

We go back to visit the doctor on Monday, if I am still in this state of advanced gestation, and we will “develop a plan” at that time. This is doctor speak for, “Sorry you spent $400.00 on a birthing tub for an all natural water birth, but if we have to induce you there is no way you are giving birth in the water.” Sigh. I should have considered that before investing in the tub, but maybe I can jump up and down a lot tomorrow and go into labor that way.

Hope all is well with everyone,

Yours patiently waiting to deliver in New Jersey.

SO Castor oil isn’t as gross as it’s cracked up to be!

If you don’t mind your mouth being coated with an oily substance that never seems to go away. We had a lot of contractions last night, but nothing came of them. However, at the doctor this morning we learned that we are still 3 centimeters, have plenty of amniotic fluid, and the baby is fine. We got to see his little hands and face, and more of his penis. He is clearly a boy. His heart rate is good, the Non-stress test was good. The swelling and such that I had has gone down, so things look good.

Of course, in 5 days they are going to start talking induction, though they will let me go another 2 weeks before they demand it. However, I am really going to try for natural childbirth and the water birth, so more Castor oil and orange juice for me today.

It did nothing yesterday, but I can hope today will be different.

I will keep you all updated!!

This morning when I dropped Monkey off at school I walked into her classroom and the entire class said “Oh No!!” The teacher explained they had all been hoping she wasn’t there on time because I was having the baby. There is something odd about having an entire class of 5 year olds commiserate with you when you are overdue, it was pretty funny.