I never thought my heart would grow roots in this foreign place.
New accents, new manners, sidewalks full of cracks, twisty limbed trees, the endless cry of seagulls. These features were not homey to me. They were daunting, intimidating, uncomfortable. I longed for mother, and a glimpse of prairie sky.
Then I met you, Moms like me, trying to fit all your roles, past and future, into a single pair of pants. We made playdates, we drank wine, we ate fondue. We spoke of birth, poop, lonliness, contrary natures, arguments, and the silliness of men.
You opened your hearts to me, and in doing so opened my heart to New Jersey.
Now here I am, tearing up again. I will miss the organic smell of spring, and the patter of heavy rain. I will sigh when none of my parks are near water, and weeks pass without me hearing someone say “Yeah Right?” Most of all, I will miss you.
The saying goes, home is where your heart is, and it’s true. My home is back in Denver, but now, it’s also here with you.
The closer I get to returning home the harder it gets to go. I never thought I would say this but New Jersey isn’t such a bad place to be. Maybe it’s the people, maybe it’s the proximity to NYC, but being here doesn’t have the sting it used to.
Tonight I went to see Sex in the City with Ellen and Tiff. We had dinner, drinks, a fantastic movie about love, and lots of laughter.
On the way home I thought about family. How lucky am I that I have people I love so much, both here and back in Colorado? In the past two years I have found this amazing group of people I can call my own. Some of them came here with me, and our bonds were strengthened in the move, but some of them are new to my heart. These people love me when I am noisy and obnoxious, forgive me when I hermit away in my house for days on end, and are willing to overlook the fact that I wore cheap high heeled red flip-flops to go see a movie filled with Manolos.
I am sad that returning home means leaving… home. In the not too distant future I will not be a train ride away from Broadway. I will no longer go down the shore. I won’t here people say “whattaya gonna do?” and “fahgeddabowdit”. I won’t go berry picking with the Moms Club or shopping at Wegman’s. No around me will know what a pork roll is. There will be no more super fresh fish, and no more Sunday gelato. Everyone will think I am the pushy asshole when I get behind the wheel of my car.
Living on the East coast is all about surviving on the East coast. No one meanders through life here. It’s rush, and push, and get the fuck outta my way you stupid ass what on earth do you think you are doing!! It’s an attitude I have learned and adopted through two years in one of the most populated States in our nation. I have found the checker at the Wegman’s who will sneak me into the express lane, the waiter who will pour me the strongest drink, and great friends.
Somehow, out here in the last place I ever wanted to be, I found a whole lotta love.
Leaving is going to break my heart.
I know I said I wouldn’t, but I have to!!
Last time I mocked the citizens of Red Bank for closing school said mocking was followed by a horrible ice storm that left the city without power for the better part of a day. I swore I would not mock them again, as I, the ignorant Coloradan, had obviously no clue what I was saying.
However, last night there was no ice storm, just a little snow. A little being not enough to coat the streets, barely enough to coat the lawn. This morning her school has a two hour delayed opening. Two extra hours when there are no cars to shovel out or icy streets to handle. A little mocking must occur.
It’s already melting off my roof and it’s only 9 am. I am wondering if the reason this school district has such short holidays is so it can call no school or delayed school each time the sky spits.
Of course, now that I have mocked, there will be another ice storm and she and I will be shut up in the house for another week of madness. Interestingly, I have found many web resources for the locked inside, including FamilyFun.com which has great ideas for indoor crafts, has lots of coloring pages to print out, and other neat stuff to do when you are tearing your hair out with a bored child on the umpteenth consecutive snow day.
Well, off I go to lament the weather, and wish that I was home in a state where the school closure policies make sense.