Category Archives: #tired

Sticking it to you…

I have been losing my mind with boredom as I have waited for my battered and confused body to return to some semblance of normalcy.

So I made stickers on this site that does’t charge too much for creating them! I made a bunch of Spoonie related stickers:

I plan on making more, but I got distracted by the cheating low-life scum-suckers in Georgia and the sheer criminal treason of passing a law making it illegal to hand out water to people waiting in line to vote.

Then I made a few motivation stickers and a Dr. Fauci one because my Mom asked me too.

Finally I added some of my artwork because I like the idea of having stickers of my work. I am sure I will be making more of those.

I have to admit it was nice to create something. It’s been a rough week. I spent most of it in so much pain and discomfort I wasn’t worth much. Now I can get up, walk around a little, cook a meal or two but I get really tired, really easily and I still have to spend most of my time resting.

So I am making stickers so I can stop losing my freaking mind.

If you like any of them I added a page to the menu at the top of the blog (Spoonie Merch). They are $3.99 each and are cut out vinyl stickers so there isn’t any extra outside of the image. In a few cases I approved a few other items too, but rarely. If for some reason you really want something in a shirt or hoodie or something kick me a message at misty@savvyspoons.com.

Stay safe and sane loves.

Managing life my lily white ass…

It’s on my blog header, it’s in my whole cheerful outlook. Let’s manage life with this chronic illness!

Look at all my coping tools!

See my shiny things!

Well right now my illness is managing me.

And let’s face it, I’m in my mid-forties. My ass isn’t all that lily-white either. I mean, we’re in the middle of a no-end-in-sight pandemic and I haven’t been outside in a bikini since the idea of meaningful political discourse was an actual thing but my ass is more of a sickly ghostly pale, not a lily white. It’s not some semi-romanticized flowerly white, it’s a “DEAR GOD WOMAN GET SOME SUN ON THAT THING WON’T YOU!!” pale white you can see deep down veins through.

I’m sick.

Really, really sick.

I hurt everywhere, I can’t sleep. My once soft and comfortable ergonomic pillow has developed claws or teeth or maybe someone broke into my room and stuffed it with broken glass or something.

My whole fucking bed is made of discomfort. There isn’t a single comfortable position I can sit, lie, stand, or lean in. Every single miserable muscle and bone in my body hurts. I swear to the Goddess the bed is subtly shifting at night, moving me around every time I get the slightest bit comfortable.

The nerves in my hands and feet are tingly and itchy and on fire and somehow cold and stabby. Oh, and throbbing, and pulsing.

The Topomax isn’t killing my ability to think like it did before but I still have a really sore throat every day and that vaguely feverish feeling, like deep bone-aches and an overall sense of doom and gloom.

I’m miserable.

There’s no shiny sticker for me to put on it.

Right now there’s no managing it either.

There’s just getting through it and hoping it feels better, or at least different, tomorrow.

Stay safe loves.

Shortchanging…

It seems apropos to write about short changing during a coin crisis. Of course, I am writing about a lack of emotional quarters instead of a lack of actual quarters but still, they say timing is everything.

I want to apologize to you for shortchanging you.

I short change you every time you ask how I am feeling. I never share the whole answer with you. I never let you inside that aspect of my life.

This failing of mine comes from a place of love.

You see, I can feel how much I hurt you when you learn how much I hurt. You love me and you don’t want to see me in pain. But you try to support me, you ask how I am and hope with intensity that my answer is “better.”

It rarely is.

That’s the thing about Fibromyalgia. It’s a tenacious little fucker.

I have a problem though. You see, I’ve been shortchanging you for so long that I no longer feel comfortable giving you the full story. I’ve managed to shut myself off from that luxury through my effort to protect you.

And I really, really need you right now.

I am tired.

It’s been a long road of not being okay and there are no exits for me. I am supposed to wake up every day and fight an enemy I cannot see, who is so close to me you cannot separate me from it.

I am so very tired.

I am too tired for words. Too tired to tell you how much I hurt. All of my energy is going into this fight right now. I am less able to friend, to mom, to wife.

I apologize for that.

I would ask that when you ask me how I am and I don’t really tell you, to please assume I am in a bad place and just pour on the love. I’m sorry I can’t ask in a better way, or be more verbose one on one.

I love you.