Oliver turned eight with an indoor camping sleepover Wii party. He and three friends spent the night battling Kirby’s enemies, eating ravioli, and topping their tummies off with a sticky fruit tart.

This morning saw bacon and pancakes and then a walk to the library for some sun and creative play. The wind blew mightily as the fearless trio ran, jumped, and climbed with the Kirby stuffies in tow. At the library they took over the pavilion in the children’s section and built a variety of obstacle courses.

Oliver said it was exactly how he wanted his birthday to be.

Happy birthday young man!

How are your spoons?

It’s a question I get asked a lot now that family and close friends have begun learning the new lingo. For myself, I have been getting used to managing a chronic medical illness and the attendant drop in energy that goes with it.

Sometimes I push too hard, such as preparing for Dan’s 40th birthday party. When that happens my body immediately lets me know. I find the next day it’s nearly impossible to do much more than mere basics.

I am, however, managing.

I found a three year old non-profit focused on educating the general population about migraine disorders and finding funding for more treatment options. I joined it. I am applying what I learned in the hospital to my life, I am working to get the treatment plans moving forward. I am managing.

MHNI uses a 0-5 pain scale for migraine, with zero being none and five being debilitating. For the last five months I have had a four or five headache nearly every day. Since the hospital I have stayed at a two or so with only two fives. It’s an improvement. I’ll take it.

Since returning I have increased my daily activities. I played with my kids over spring break, I cook, I clean. I have a bit more energy each day, unless I spend too many spoons and set myself back. I am hopeful.

There are still stressors. I get frustrated with my lowered energy level. It sucks the talking and laughing can cause my jaw to hurt. There is still a small voice inside me that screams out “It’s not fair!!”. On the other hand, I beat Batman 2 on the Wii with my young man yesterday and I got my young lady a gorgeous new silk blouse at the thrift store with my mother. I walked the dog, I sat in the sun, I plan to start gardening, and soon, return to work.

It’s going to get better.

After two days in the car with Dad, Dan, and Tracy, I am home.

It’s odd to be back in the real world after 12 days in the hospital. Everything seems a bit daunting. I am still learning to marshal and manage my energy and I don’t quite have the hang of it.

For example, we took the kids to the park today for a picnic and a little frisbee and that was all I could do for the day. It was time well spent but it knocked me right into a rising headache pain level. When I got home I had to take an abortive and rest. I’ve been resting since.

When Oliver asked when I could play more games with him I taught him spoon theory. I think he mostly got that I have less energy than he does and I have to be careful spending it. He suggested we play games first thing tomorrow so I don’t use a spoon getting out of bed and coming down to breakfast. He also told me he would manage my spoons for me. I am thinking I will be spending a lot of time on the Wii if I let that happen.

Tomorrow I tackle laundry, a little work, and some garden planning, depending on the spoons. I am also going to join the American Headache and Migraine Association and write to my fellow MHNI patients. It meant so much to find people who understood exactly how I feel most of the time, it was the best part of being in the hospital.

For now, good night! Thank you all for the kind notes, cards, texts, and emails during my hospitalization, it made me feel less afraid and more loved.