Nothing has changed…

Since last night, so we are still waiting to see. The nurse on staff with Mom told us that she is being heavily flooded with antibiotics to try and kill the pneumonia, and that we will know in the next 48 hours if she is likely to recover or not. If she is not, Lee will likely go home to see her for a couple of days and I will say here with my legs crossed chanting “not today baby, not today.”

Oh I have so many feelings about this. He and I have worked so hard over the last nine months towards this delivery, and him not being there was never really in our plans, but I simply can’t get over the feeling that he has to go home and see her if she is not going to recover. If she is, then there is time and he can go see her after the baby is born. Hell, if she is going to recover, we can all go, bring Otter with us, and she can meet him.

The bad news is that it appears she is aspirating on food and drink, so the doctors said she may need a feeding tube placed in her stomach for the rest of her life. Apparently when the system that seperates the food and drink from the lungs breaks down there is no recovery, and therefore being fed via tube is the only remaining option. Niether Lee, her sister, nor I feel she will go for that, so even if she recovers, it may be simply to say goodbye. However, she will be able to make that decision for herself, as it is one that will arise if she recovers, so at least we don’t have to risk forcing that on her.

I will keep you posted as we know. Thank you all for your support.

Making lemonade…

When life gives you lemons…

Or as Lee would say, when life kicks you in the nuts.

His mom is in the ICU on life support, I am due in three weeks and have been having contractions off and on for three weeks. I can’t fly, he doesn’t want to leave me here and fly back home.

Tomorrow we will know if she is likely to recover or not. If she is not, she is also unlikely to be concious and he is uncertain if he wants to risk missing Otter’s birth to go say goodbye to his unconcious mother. I wish beyond anything that we could all fly back and say goodbye, but they simply will not let me on a plane. They view me in a light similar to a bomb. I could go off at any moment, spewing baby and whatever else all over the plane.

On the upside, you always find out how wonderful your friends are when this stuff happens, Devon has offered to stay with us and take a crash course in labor partnership in case Lee has to go home and I go into labor while he is away, Monkey offered to help me out in L&D as well. Morgan and Amy offered to keep Monkey while I am in labor, and my mother offered to fly out and stay with me while Lee goes back.

This would all be so much easier if I could go into labor tonight, have the baby, and then send Lee on his way to his mother’s bedside tomorrow or the next day.

We are sad. We are angry. I am so upset that she is unwell, that she might be dead before her first grandson is here, when she is so close to meeting him. I am also angry with her, illogically so, for adding this new dimension to our lives in a time that should be filled with anxiety and excitement for the baby, and not really anything else. It is silly I know, but I can’t help feeling this way, chock it up to hormones, I only have them as an excuse for another month or so.

Anyway, please send Lee your love, he needs it.

updates

We had our 37 week appointment today, not much going on, still only dialated to 1 centimeter. However, the baby seems healthy, the hearbeat is strong, and I seem healthy, so all is well.

Soon, soon we will have baby!!

M