The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd winds slowly o’er the lea,
The ploughman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.

Thomas Gray

Lee’s mom is dying. She suffered an hour long seizure as a response to antibiotics she received to combat her pneumonia. The seizure caused irreparable and unrecoverable brain damage. She is, effectively, gone. On Monday her sister will be there with her, and bear witness as they take her off life support.

I wish I had gotten a chance to know her when she was bright and active, and not suffering from brain damage. I will never know the woman who raised my husband to be the amazing man I love. I met her only after her illness has dented her personality, and she never recovered. I can only thank her for the job she did, as he is my partner, and my life.

I can’t share happy stories with Lee about her, because I don’t know any. Oh how I want to share any with him that would ease his pain and make him smile, even for a moment. I suppose all I can do is share my love and support, and listen to any stories he wants to tell me. I could gather stories from other family members, but I think I will wait for a better time to do that.

It sucks that she will be dead before her grandson’s first birthday. It sucks that she will miss learning who her grandchildren are, and who they will be. I wish she could be here to be a part of it. We have fought a long battle trying to get her healthy and safe, this was not the end we were hoping for. It is what we have been given.

So for her I place here The Epitaph from Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard by Thomas Gray. It is my favorite, and brings me comfort to read it. I certainly cannot compose better words. Granted it is written for a man, but the meaning works just the same.

The Epitaph

Here rests his head upon the lap of Earth
A youth to Fortune and to Fame unknown.
Fair Science frowned not on his humble birth,
And Melacholy marked him for her own.

Large was his bounty, and his soul sincere,
Heaven did a recompense as largely send:
He gave to Misery all he had, a tear,
He gained from Heaven (’twas all he wish’d) a friend.

No farther seek his merits to disclose,
Or draw his frailties from their dread abode
(There they alike in trembling hope repose),
The bosom of his Father and his God.

We loved you mom.

5 thoughts on “”

  1. The Bible says “By their fruits ye shall know them.”
    It was not our privilege to know Kate when she was infused with the courage, compassion and vitality we now see in the fruit of her womb and her nurturing, Lee.
    But if we look at her legacy, we can be forever thankful that she had those qualities when she needed to have them and gave her love without fear or limit.
    Pax Vobiscum

  2. I am so sorry for your family. And for the rest of us too. Kate was an amazing woman. I only knew her for a few years. And not necessarily my most shining years – yet, she was always kind to me.

    She was a good person. She lived by the golden rule. And, she knew that it was her role, her responsibility to remind us not old enough to really know for ourselves to live by it also.

    As evidenced by Lee, she guided with strong conviction. You knew what she stood for. There was no wondering what Kate thought.

    I really am so very sorry that her life’s journey’s end has been so painful for her, and for you. She’ll be missed by many.

    Here’s praying for a more peaceful tomorrow for Kate.

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