Adventures in botulism.

Yesterday afternoon I got Botox.  I didn’t get it to look younger, and having had the procedure done I have to give props to those who do.  You are committed to your appearance if you voluntarily get thirty some odd shots in your face four times a year.  Of course, I am a bit of a needle phobe, so perhaps you are just less of a scaredy cat than I.

I brought my mother, in part because I was afraid of the treatment, and in part because I was getting the results back from my MRI.  Given the recent and dramatic changes in my migraines, I half expected to be told I had a giant brain tumor.  I wanted my mom there if that was the case.

The good news.  No tumor.  My MRI is fine.  Visibly there is nothing wrong with me. I have simply had a nine week long headache.

The bad news.  There is nothing visibly wrong with me.  No quick and easy fix.

So my doctor moved on to the treatment.  He injected my eyebrows three times each, my forehead in eight different places, my temples, the back of my skull, my neck, and my shoulders.  I would love to tell you it didn’t hurt.  All I can say is it hurt significantly less than the nerve block, but it turns out my face doesn’t like being poked a bunch.

Then he told me the side effect might be a headache.


It turns out that our muscles don’t enjoy being punctured so much.  I can take up to a week for the treatment to work, and during that time my headache will likely be worse.  It certainly was yesterday.  It’s not much better today.

Oddly increased pain isn’t the worst part of this.  My feelings are.  I have been in tears on and off since the injections.  It’s like a floodgate opened up. I have been crying about my pain, my separation, my career, my friends, my family, the people I used to know, you name it.  I can’t seem to get back on even keel.

I have had emotional responses to muscle stimulus before during massage.  There is a theory that the tension in our muscles contains hormones or chemicals that can cause an emotional high or low when released.  I just didn’t think this could happen as a result of Botox.  It is happening though.  I feel everything, all at once, in a crazy, uncontrollable, roller-coaster ride kind of way.

I really wish it would stop.  For one, crying makes my head hurt more, which makes me cry at the unfairness of crying causing more pain, which makes me hurt more, which upsets me more, which leads to more crying… rinse… repeat. Secondly, I am done being the crazy emotional girl.  Going through instant menopause was enough.  I am really looking to get back to a stable world where I can at least anticipate whether or not I will be miserable in ten minutes.  This whole crying because a friend sent me a lovely text message telling me I will get through it or crying because damnit the kids drank all the milk, again, is too much.  Lastly, if this happens every time I get Botox injections I will be signing up for a huge emotional crazy fest every three months.

So far the Botox hasn’t helped.  I am trying to stay positive.  He said it could take a week.  I am hoping the headache gets better day by day.  I guess I wait and see.

P.S. I do not look any younger as a result of the injections.  All my wrinkles seem to be in place and I have been informed I still make crazy weird faces when I express myself.  So that’s all good.

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