A Victory Inn is not victorious.

We got to our hotel near the headache clinic yesterday afternoon after a cheerful cab ride from a Michigan enthusiast and an incredibly painful flight. For me, everyone else seemed to think it was fine as they didn’t have an army of angry dwarves pounding into their cheekbone as the pressure changed.

We were delivered unto a very depressing looking hotel behind a depressing gas station with a sign that read “G oup ra e avl.”


Inside we were met by a brusque clerk who quickly gave us a room by the farthest back exit. Upon opening the door I discovered several things:

1. The wall paper and carpet were both peeling.

2. There were cigarette burns on the ceiling. Somehow.

3. All of the hotel hangers designed to be useless to steal because they disconnect from the hanging part when you remove them were stolen.

Then the clerk knocked on the door and told us the hot water was out but should be back tomorrow, OK?


We then discovered the wi-fi didn’t work.


We went to dinner at Chili’s and were made better by a few of their lovely margaritas. Eventually we went back to the monstrosity to sleep. The next morning the clerk failed to call me for my requested wake up call, but luckily I had set my alarm so we made it to the clinic for my assessments.

They drew blood. I had an EEG, resulting in real globs of water soluble paste all over my head. I met with a doctor and a psychologist. I spent 9 hours being tested and questioned before being told I was being admitted to the hospital and to call after my MRI’s for admission instructions. Then we went back to the hotel, tired and hungry.

I turned the water on to take a shower. It was cold.


I had huge globs of paste in my hair that had been there for 8 hours and it was really starting to hurt. I used a styrofoam cup to wash my hair out in the tub so I didn’t have to stand in the freezing cold water. As I did, the tub began to fill. I figured the stopper was set to on so I reached over to turn it to drain and the handle came off in my hand.

At this point, despite anger being a trigger for migraine, I was getting pretty angry.

I finished washing my hair and went to tell the clerk about the tub and complain about the water.
Me: The water is still cold.

Him: Yeah, it’ll be fixed tomorrow.
Me: I had to wash medical paste out of my hair with a cup on the edge of the tub and while I did, the bathtub handle came off in my hand.
Him: That’s okay, I’ll leave a note about that for maintenance.
Me: That’s okay?
Him: Yeah. Room 123 right?
Me: Deathglare.

Which is how we ended up in the Holiday Inn Express in Chelsea. It’s the most luxurious room I have ever stayed in. It is made of Unicorns farting rainbows made of smaller Unicorns.

5 thoughts on “A Victory Inn is not victorious.”

  1. AWESOME! Unicorns farting rainbows of smaller unicorns! Love it! So…a 3 star rating on Yelp for the Inn then? More death glare required.

    You absolutely have a Groundhog Day vibe going on here. Or it’s as if you are channeling Coni’s luck. Either way, staaaahp! Good luck tomorrow!

    Will you be staying overnights at the hotel or in the hospital? I assumed the hospital.

  2. Snuggles my friend! And blissful wishes at the holiday inn away from the roach hotel out of a scary movie.

  3. I shouldn’t laugh here, but – I will. Because, sometimes you have to laugh at the absurd, right? Right?! <3

  4. THANK YOU for giving me Something Else To Think About, yesterday when I first read this! 🙂 I don’t know that my personal “(m)hotel fail” story stacks up HALFway to your story! lol I also agree about the unicorns & rainbows. The HOTEL we stayed in the following night was absolutely luxurious, and by comparison HEAVENLY! *hugs* I pray the rest of your adventure in the area is more positive. 🙂

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