The truth about life is that is all comes down to choices.
Some choices we make for ourselves, some choices others make for us, and some choices are completely out of everyone’s hands.
My life has been all about forced choices for the last few years as my health has taken one unexpected turn and another. I have had to learn how to manage my depleted energy levels in a way that lets me be a good mom above all else. Sometimes I have succeeded, other times I have failed.
This week I faced the biggest choice of my career since applying for law school. I argued my final hearing as a litigator.
I love litigation and I am very good at it but the fact is the amount of time and stress that goes into litigation isn’t healthy for me. My doctors are busily telling me how much I need to rest and relax while I spend ten hour days playing chicken with opposing counsel on pre-trial settlement agreements and frantically piling up every argument I can think of to support my client’s claims. I end up wrung out, exhausted, out of spoons. It takes days of rest for me to feel up to normal life again.
So I made a choice. No more litigation. As of now I am stepping out of the adrenaline spiking, endorphin rushing, sleep depriving world of litigation and into a fairly predictable job. I’m also starting at 10 hours a week until I feel I am able to handle my neurology, dental surgery, and physical therapy appointments and meet a regular working schedule.
I feel angry that I have to make these choices but lucky that I have choices to make. I have a supportive boss who held my position for me and will let me take the time I need to heal before I increase my hours. I have family who support me while I am healing. I have a partner who loves me, limitations and all, and who works with me every day to get better.
I feel lucky that I am able to choose to be healthier. To focus my energy on healing and managing my health instead of having to do what is immediately in front of me.
I feel lucky that I am able to choose wisely.