Do You Want to Know the Secret, Too?

This is a lovely piece about the moments that send a marriage toward divorce. In fact, this author’s whole blog is amazing.

Must Be This Tall To Ride

Woman whispering in man's ear --- Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

Everyone wants to know the secret.

But it seems like no one knows it, and if they do, no one’s telling.

The question haunts me now. Because people keep asking and I never know what to say.

“What could she have done?”

I never knew enough to ask that question during my marriage. In the beginning, I was too immature and oblivious. I figured marrying my girlfriend just meant things would always stay the same, and we were both simply agreeing to stay together, forever. Like forever boyfriend and girlfriend.

When you’re young, people tell you marriage is hard. That you really have to work and communicate and forgive.

But when you’re listening to it, you politely nod your head, but think to yourself: These well-meaning people don’t know anything about us. We love each other and are totally committed. They don’t see how we are together when…

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One thought on “Do You Want to Know the Secret, Too?”

  1. I read it and while I agree in some parts, I spent too much of the last two years reading about Family of Origin issue stuff for me to agree with him that it’s as simple as ‘men and women just can’t understand one another’. I think there’s a lot more actual psychology in how it all goes down and breaks apart. Yes, the WAY we talk to one another also comes into play, but the desire to protect ourselves from everyone ELSE in the world that we perceive as a threat comes from deeper issues than training on how to listen.

    And it sucks. No matter what the reason is. It sucks. It’s a death. And there is all the grieving with very little empathy as to just what you’ve lost. When everyone is so busy trying to blame SOMEONE for what went wrong, there’s no room left to grieve our losses. And we HAVE lost the closest person to our hearts.

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