my hands, curled claws

my steps uneven, ragged.

old before my time.

 

I twist the door lock

move into the darkened room

rest becomes my life.

 

Sounds assail my head

light assaults my flimsy eyes

I’m made of paper.

 

Breathing uneven

energy completely gone

I collapse, undead.

 

Vigor is beauty

and vitality is youth.

I’m old, I’m ugly.

 

My clawed fingers

curl around my aching arms.

old before my time.

 

____________________

M. Morehead

I was doing so well. I was blogging regularly and going to yoga two to three times a week and walking the dog and I switched to veganism to force myself to eat healthier and to lose weight.

Then I started getting so tired, the kind of tired I haven’t felt since having very young children. Then I started itching insanely, like chicken-pox or ants crawling under your skin.

Then I suggested my husband and I go see a movie I hadn’t seen, that I had seen three days earlier with my son.

Then I got scared.

I went to the doctor. Pled memory loss, balance issues, exhaustion. She checked blood levels and there it was; little to no B-12 in my system. Turns out being a female celiac over 40 eating a vegan diet put me right into the danger zone.

So I have been getting injections and slowly getting back to better.

Does your health ever feel like a house of cards? Like you just get it to balance and one misstep pushes everything the fuck over? It’s so frustrating to deal with and leaves me feeling as though I will never get to a place of stability.

Anyway, I am going to try to get back into the habit of yoga again this week. I fully intend to get my stretch on and get back on the path. Somewhere.