After nearly 4 months of zero mayofacial neuritis my old enemy has returned.

About a week ago my left cheek began feeling as though it was being slapped all the time, yesterday the random moments of slicing sensation returned.

There is something so exhausting and dispiriting about wandering around feeling as though someone is slicing through my cheekbone with a thin blade. It’s shocking, and surprising, and difficult to work through. It detracts from my ability to pay attention in a significant way, leaving me shaken and tired every day.

I really hate this thing.

I have been doing so well. Swimming 2 miles a week, running three days a week, walking wherever I can. I have been sleeping and keeping my caffeine intake low and my water intake high. I have been working part time and taking the kids hiking, swimming, and adventuring.

I have begun to crawl back into my life and I have been succeeding at it.

Now this evil bastard comes along and is trying it’s level best to pull back under the tides of despair and exhaustion. It’s enough to make a girl wanna cry. You know, if crying didn’t make my head hurt.

My dear girl,

I don’t even know where to begin. If I could cover time in molasses and slow it down so you would be with me longer I would.

Yet…

Every day you become more responsible. You help without being asked, you do your work without being asked. You clean your room without being asked. I no longer have to tell you to shower or ask you to change into clean clothes.

And yet…

You want to be with your friends all the time and we miss you. Your brother would bury himself in your hugs for days if you would let him. I would do the same. Perhaps we grasp harder these days because we feel you slipping away.

And yet…

You are learning what interests you, thinking about the future, and becoming this incredibly funny and intelligent young woman I love to talk to. Your sense of humor is sharp and witty, your taste in music is great, and the fact that you steal my clothes sometimes is flattering.

Yet…

Where is my fuzzy duck haired little baby girl!? Where did the time go? Just yesterday you needed help walking, and last night you still couldn’t tie your shoes and early this morning you were nervous about walking to the store by yourself. How is it that by the time I left for work today you were so grown up?

Time plays mean tricks on us parents. While we are in the middle of your childhood we work so hard we forget how fleeting it is. If we are lucky we will remember to cherish that time with you while we are in it. I am one of the lucky ones. I grabbed tight to your childhood whenever I could yet even though I cherished it, you still grew up too quickly.

Now you are entering high school. You wander about on your own, seeing people I don’t know well, having adventures without me. While I am excited to meet the young woman you are ever becoming I still wish you needed me to help dress your doll, or help fix your light saber, or hold you because the movie we watched was too scary. I fear the things you will need me for in the future as much I long to still be needed.

I love you my dearest girl.

Happy Birthday.

It’s been a few days. I suppose the fact that I announced, out loud, my intention to write every day can be tied directly to my not doing so. I’m funny that way.

We’ve been busy little bees over here, both us and the bees themselves. We’ve decided to name them the Bee Team and every morning Oliver and I have gone out to sit and watch them fly around.

I picked up a gorgeous iron garden bench/glider to sit on and we rearranged the pots with our most fragrant plants in them so when we are sitting there in the cool morning breeze mint, oregano, rosemary, and other delightful scents waft before our noses while we watch the bees sip water from the fountain and gather pollen from the flowers. I love it.

The storms have been trying their best to crush my head again but with the garden in place I seem to handle it better. I no longer feel as sorry for myself. Instead, I just go lie in the hammock, read a book, and listen to bees until I feel better.

I am going to take some close up pics of our industrious new family members soon, so keep an eye out!