There I am, on a warm sandy beach, (miraculously sporting my pre-baby body in a fantabulous string bikini) watching the sunset and drinking Mai-Tai’s with a barely clad Brad Pitt.
We listen to the surf gently kissing the shore.
A lone seagull cries in the distance.
The reddish sky casts a glow over our skin as he slowly leans over and takes the Mai Tai from my hand, setting it down on the sand.
He reaches out and gently caresses the side of my face.
His fingers run softly over my cheek, my lips, and then suddenly jam themselves up my nose.

“Snork!??” says groggy ol’ me, as I jolt fully awake to find Otter playfully shoving his little pudgy baby hands up my nose.

Ah co-sleeping; the snuggles, the bonding, the really interesting dreams.

I will never do again.

I spent the day getting stitches in the ER!! Bully for me!
You see, in an attempt to be a dutiful mama with a non-screaming child I was making soup for lunch today while holding Otter on my hip. He had steadfastly refused to be set down without delivering a violently loud speech concerning the unconstitutionality of setting babies down anywhere other than a lap. So instead of blistering my ears, I decided to hold him while preparing lunch.

Big mistake.

It seems that opening a pull tab soup can one handed results in an inch long and quite deep gash on one’s ring finger, thereby resulting in a four hour trip to the ER with a baby in tow, 4 stitches, antibiotics, and a finger bandaged about four times it’s normal size. Happily Otter was very good natured, and even went to sit with the admin staff happily whilst I was sewn up. (This is likely because I handed them several packets of Mum-Mums while they were taking him out of the room.)

This is me typing with the over bandaged finger of doom:

It is bery giatf yo placwder by fingrtd iny yhr right plzzzzzsw….

Hmmm…. posting may be slow while I recover… Maybe I should go for more of a pictorial until the stitches come out.

How often do we purchase an item for a nursery, and then use it in the way the baby will use it? I can only speak for myself when I say, never.

For example:

I purchased the Symphony in Motion mobile with Barnyard shapes, thinking it cute, colorful, and stimulating.

It looks bright, cheerful, and stimulating doesn’t it? It looks like a good tool to assist baby in developing his distance vision and musical ear. So imagine my surprise when I actually lay underneath it with the baby and looked up into the eyes of the Psychotic Googley-Eyed Donkey From Hell!

This menacing felt creature looms over baby like the clown bed in the Simpsons loomed over Bart! Even worse, the donkey lunges at you at the end of each rotation, dropping an extra five or six inches directly towards your face! Aaaghh!

Is this donkey the reason Otter hated his crib? Did he lay awake screaming “Can’t sleep! Donkey will eat me!”?

I can tell you one thing, from now on I will be viewing future purchases from a baby’s perspective, before introducing them to my dear boy, even if it means I am lying in the aisle of a store face to face with a toy! I also think I may begin a weekly pictoral of things as seen from Otter’s level. It is bound to be interesting.