Catching my breath…

Man has it been a whirlwind three weeks.

Between my contract position, my family, and my practice I have been averaging about 14 hours a day. I have been working on weekends. I have not touched a dish or the mop.

(I finally hired someone to take the housework burden off my husband, the dear man has had weeks of 14 hour days too what with all my slack lying around for him to pick up.)

I am struggling to decide if I should sign up for the next project. We are revelling in having enough money to go around for a change but I am losing my momentum, my sleep, and my mind. My son is miserable with me leaving for work everyday and has started crawling into my lap and crying “No work! No work!” when I get ready to leave in the morning. My daughter is acting out even more now that she is getting even less of my time and attention. I haven’t had a date with my spouse in weeks and I wouldn’t be able to stay awake for one even if I did.

On the other hand, the holidays are coming up and this is the first year in three when we have the opportunity to start the holiday season with surplus cash. We can get new loft beds for the kids room and open up more of their small space for play. We can get actual gifts for people this year instead of little tokens. We can travel to see family, splurge on a nice hayride or two, and enjoy a holiday season relieved of the stress of an extraordinarily tight budget.

All I have to do is continue with the work marathon and forgo many more weekends. I am not sure what I should do. On the one hand I am enjoying being a regular contributor to the family bank, on the other I miss slow days spent reading to my son and making pie with the kids. I miss my role as Mom more than I enjoy what I am doing but I am so tired of just not making it.

I wonder if I will feel like a complete failure if I walk away and go back to a paycheck to paycheck existence as I wait for my cases to close.

And she was never heard from again…

Sorry to be absent so long, I have been working about 60 hours a week lately and don’t have a lot of time to think of clever things to say, much less write them down.

It would seem working away from home has caused my practice to reach a frenetic pace. I have been racing to catch up on things that were seemingly miles away before I accepted a 40 hour a week job elsewhere. I spend most of my evenings and weekends working. Last night I spent a thrilling evening working at the home of a similarly situated friend. We worked until about 10:30 p.m. before calling it a day and sitting down to watch Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang and salvage what was left of our Friday night.

My working has brought changes to the house too. My kids are eating frozen dinners or PB&H sandwiches most nights as I have basically stopped cooking. (The frozen dinners are an upgrade from the takeout they got to consume all last week.) My groceries get to dire straights before one of us replenishes them with the trip to the store. I had forgotten how much time a grocery trip can take when you don’t get to go during the day! I guess when this Mommy goes to work, the home cooked meals and fancy snacks go with her!

Oddly, our house is generally cleaner and the laundry is done. I think Lee and I are frantically trying to keep up with it both each night, bit by bit, and therefore succeeding more than we did when I felt as though I had all day to accomplish our household chores.

The temp job is perking up, still dull work but I really like the other people doing it. I am fighting a never ending battle against superfluous calorie consumption as each day someone brings in donuts, cookies, or cake. (Not to mention the vat of pretzels next to the coffee maker.) My coffee consumption has gotten to dangerous proportions. I went and bought designer tea at the new fancy tea shop in Cherry Creek so I could have some tempting alternative to the dark caffeine brew.

I miss my kids, and long for them the whole time I am at the office. Otter clings to me like a monkey from the moment I get home until the moment I leave for work the next day. He has gotten right back to co-sleeping. It seems to be his coping mechanism. (Sadly, Mommy and Daddy may never have sex again.) Monkey is even getting snuggly again, a change to her uber-independant 8 year old-ness. She also wants to go with me everywhere I go, sit with me when I sit, and do what I am doing.

It’s sweet, they miss me.

Six more weeks left. Then I will get to slow down for a while.

My temp job…

I finally did it. I finally accepted a document review position as a part time solution to the endless waiting for paychecks that is my practice.

I can’t say I am loving it.

I have great team members, a supportive and realistic work environment, and a steady pay check.

I also have “the boredom”.

I am working 10-14 hour days most days because I come home to my practice after a full day in the office. I am tired, overworked, and stressed.

But I have money!

Managing life with chronic illness requires savvy spoons