Thank you all for your messages of support. Things are still quiet here in my practice, but I got a fair amount of legal work done this week, and spoke with a friend who has started a business. He reminded me that two months is nothing starting a business, and I may have a much longer wait ahead of me to see a reward.
Luckily, I have a lot of support.
Maybe it’s being sick, maybe it’s the economy, but today I feel as though nothing I am trying to do is possible.
I am isolated, working from a desk under the stairs to my bedroom, my only daytime interaction with the under 8 crowd. There is no real pay for what I do, no recognition from peers, only an increasingly depressing bank balance, and no end in sight.
Why did I think I could start a practice and care for my kids? How is it possible that three years of killing study, endless pro-bono work, and a mortgage worth of loans could render me less employable then before?
I can’t get a job outside the legal industry, because I am a huge quit risk, clearly likely to leave for a better position as soon as I am offered one. I can’t get a job in the legal industry because I don’t have enough experience, or I focused too much on my family while in school, and didn’t hit the top 10% of my class.
It looks like dark days ahead, and I can’t find the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know I have been given breaks in my life, clearly I have or I wouldn’t be sitting here, highly educated, complaining. However, if I don’t get this final break, a friggin paying job or practice, then those other breaks will mean little.
Stomach bugs suck.
Blogging, work, and family have all taken a backseat to praying to the porcelain goddess.
I hate that after my kids get sick, I get sick. I understand the mechanics behind it, but I don’t appreciate it. One would think spending a week and a half caring for fractious ill offspring would be enough, but nope, it’s not, now I have to have it too. Bleah.
On the upside, Monkey has done very well taking care of her brother while I lie on the tile of my bathroom. She has been entertaining him, finding him snacks, and helping him get by with a bit less mommy. I am lucky to have such a helpful girl.
Otter has become a fastidious baby these days, he has started wiping his mouth with a napkin while he is eating. He takes it very seriously, as it is something all us big people do, and it is adorable to see him grab a napkin and swipe at his mouth in between bites. He is also giving kisses on request now, though we call them “Meh”‘s. The statement “Give Nama a Meh Otter!!” will result in wide open drooly baby mouth heading Nama’s way. He is sleeping well in his big boy bed, happy to share a room with sister and have a little more sleeping space to himself. He has even started to self soothe, which I never thought would happen.
Now, if I could only shake this cold, finish the codicil and complaint I am working on, and go back to rainmaking, I might someday have something remotely resembling a practice on my hands. Currently it’s just a sickroom with business cards.
SavvySpoons 