…there would be no butterflies.

Marlena got ready for 8th grade prom today. My lovely girl, usually too tom-boyish and busy to bother with make-up and hairstyles, emerged dressed for the dance in the guise of a stunning young woman.

The theme for the dance was Black and White, so she and I found a darling dress that fit her to a “T” and spent an hour in the bathroom with makeup and a straightening iron. Of course, afterwards we had to take some pictures:

I am happy she left for the dance confident and thrilled with her appearance, and I am pleased I was able to help put that confident smile on her face, but a small part of me wept a little as the girl riding on my dad’s shoulders here:

turned into the young woman pictured here:

It’s 2:20 a.m. and I am awake.

Again.

It would seem the medication I am on makes sleeping an impossibility. I lie in bed, every night, waiting to sleep. I plan out how to upcycle old furniture into new patio furniture. I plot out story devices. I think about plants.

I close my eyes and there is a flashing light behind them.

I cannot sleep.

So, I thought tonight I would update y’all instead.

When I left the hospital I had three diagnoses. 1. Intractable migraine disorder. 2. Tibomandibular joint disorder (TMD) 3. Cervicogenic headache.

I have been to see the dentist about the TMD and it is not TMD. Instead I have tendonitis and arthritis in my jaw. Downside, chewing is bad. Upside, I have lost eight pounds this month. (I am all about the silver linings, like how my inability to catch Z’s has given me time to blog.)

I am not sure how to feel about having arthritic jaw bones but I am sure there is a “you talk too much” joke out there somewhere. I do know the massive doses of steroids I am on to lower the inflammation are probably contributing to the lack of sleep.

As for the cervicogenic headache, I have an appointment to go under sedation and have anesthesia injected into my C2 through C5 joints again. I should be doing this every month until we do a more permanent version involving radio frequencies. (Yep, really, I am not wearing a tinfoil hat here. At some point my C2-C5 nerves will be turned off with radio waves.)

So for now it’s all about managing the side effects of the medications and learning to live with my headaches.

I have gardened, walked, laughed and worked. I am not what I used to be but I am better than I was.

And now, I am going to read another book while I try to meet that elusive Sandman.