Category Archives: COVID-19

Pining for a pandemic…

I’m a horrible human being.

I’ve been close to tears for the last several hours with no idea why.

I ran through all the usual suspects;
Did I eat?
Did I sleep?
Did I miss a medication?
Did I take too much medication?

I did all the fixes I could. The feeling remained. A vague sadness like a recent breakup or a friend moving away soon. Something ending.

Holy shit.

The pandemic.

I’m sad that the pandemic is ending.

I know. I deserve that.

I am not sorry that we are winning against a disease that killed hundreds of thousands of humans, shut down the world economy, and sent the world as we know it spiraling into a dark hole.

But I am sad that it’s ending.

You see, I have a secret.

The shutdown made many things easier for me.

I didn’t have social pressure to push beyond my energy level or risk losing friendships.

I didn’t have guilt that I couldn’t make social commitments.

No one had social expectations of me.

I was free of the social demands healthy people unknowingly impose on disabled people.

Even better, you were all living my life. My quiet, shut inside, have to figure out how to communicate with the outside world without actually going into it life. You were finally feeling what I felt. The isolation, the loneliness, the sense of being apart from everyone else.

Now you get to go back to normal… and I don’t.

I went into a grocery store today and most people weren’t masked, they were walking close together, fearless of getting close, en masse shopping for food. The parking lot was jammed with cars, the traffic there and home was jammed with cars. People were on the street, in the bars we drove by, gathering in large numbers again.

While I was returning home, still in my mask, to the room I spend most of my time in, once again doing the isolated thing without the mental company of the rest of world, once again the outlier.

The Pandemic is nearing its end but my disease is not. You will go back to a busy social life with gatherings and work and achievements and I will not.

For a brief period of time the pandemic gave me back a sense of belonging to the outer world, it let me feel just like everyone else.

Now that feeling is gone and I’m left feeling sad.

We need some empathy…

Another week, another white man kills a random group of people.

My father in law is known for saying “it’s not the bullet with your name on it that you have to worry about, it’s the one marked “To who it may concern.”

We are losing our people to white terrorists.

Join me in a winding podcast filled with poems and thoughts about privilege, being an ally, and empathy.

A haiku on Twitter, a mass shooting in Boulder, and the freedom of pain killers results in an open discussion on dismantling privilege and the desperate need we have as a nation for empathy in our citizens.  — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/savvyspoons/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/savvyspoons/support

Old man winter is a sadist…

Ugh whatever is up in the Rocky Mountains right now is seriously sadistic. Nearly everyone I know is having unusual numbers of headaches and those of us who were already living life in the unusual column are clinging to the edge of the ledger by our fingertips praying to gods we don’t even believe in that a Peruvian Green Velvet Tarantula comes along and bites us.

That being said I walked today. I was able to do so because an amazing friend of mine created an amazing device for me.

See, I have some combination of facial neuralgia and parathesia that moves around my head. Some days I can wear glasses and masks and hats just fine. Others I can’t touch behind my left ear. Other days a wind across my face sends me to my knees. Lately I haven’t been able to wear anything behind my ears or touching most of my head for longer than a few minutes without my headache ramping up to GO-LIE-DOWN-NOW proportions.

As we are still amidst a global pandemic and I value my life and the lives of others this means I haven’t been able to go anywhere for very long.

Enter Scott.

Scott is a maker. He is a creator, a daydreamer, an inventor of wonderful things. He fiddles with things to make them better. He is strange and funny and wonderful and when I texted him and told him I needed his help he dropped everything to invent me this:

Why yes, that IS a neck mounted headgear-like device to hold your mask flush to your face without it touching the parts of your head that have inexplicably decided that touching is verra verra bad.

See:

So now even though my body doesn’t like wearing masks and the world is still basically a dangerous petri dish I can now go to the grocery store or for a walk with my husband and dogs without suffering for it.

What is the point of all this rambling?

There are three points actually.

Point one: I am on day three of my exercise for 15-20 minutes every day regardless of how I feel fibromyalgia treatment streak. Yay me! (Y’all are my accountability partners. Don’t you feel lucky?)

Point two: If you see an oddball creative person that thinks differently do walk past them afraid to meet their eyes. Go introduce yourself to them and try to see if your weird meshes with theirs. You never know when you will need a creative fiddler in your life.

Point three: If you are an odd duck, don’t fret. There are those of out here who celebrate and value you precisely because you don’t think like everyone else. If you feel alone now hold on. You will find other oddballs (like I did. I now have a lovely chosen family of tried and true oddballs in my life) to be your true self around but better yet, the older you get the more non-oddballs will see having oddballs in their lives make those lives fuller and more fun. So don’t give up. You are important. You are made of stardust. (Literally. Ok, I know we all are but I like to think we strange ones have just a little extra stardust than everyone else.)

Stay safe lovelies, and be kind to one another.