Swimming with the sharks…

What does a lawyer do on her tropical honeymoon?

Swim with the Sharks of course!!

We went snorkeling in the Bahamas on our honeymoon. The final snorkel was a “shark dive.” Now, I have a fear of sharks, a rather impressive, illogical, irrational, they can get smart and grow legs and come eat me on land kind of fear. Therefore, I was not intending to get into the water while there were any sharks around at all. However, during one of the reef dives, there was a lone shark fairly near by, and he didn’t hunt me down with “jaws”-esque intensity so I began to relax. Lee said they weren’t going to attack a lawyer anyway, professional courtesy and all. Being our honeymoon, I decided to forgo the requisite violent response.

Then we got to the last dive. The shark dive. I looked into the water and saw an ocean teeming with sharks.

I felt faint, I felt certain this was a bad idea, I felt I had to do it anyway. (I never said I am always intelligent.)

Yes, in spite of my inner brain, which at this point was screaming loudly while attempting to make my arms and legs cling to the ship, I entered the shark infested waters.

I followed the rules, followed the rope out into the water, and looked down. There were a lot of sharks, about 20 – 30 of them investigating the bait box below. However, the bait box was really, really far below, about 30-40 feet deep, so the sharks weren’t so bad. I started to calm down. I spent some time ogling the fiercesome predators in their environment, I started to enjoy myself. Then I saw movement out of the corner of my right eye. I looked to the right…. and calmly ambling towards me with the best of intentions was a frackin shark! It was perhaps 10-15 feet away, near the surface of the water, peering at me as if to say “What’s all this then? Got any food?”

Well at this point I choked a little on seawater because one shouldn’t actually say “This is a F&*&ing bad idea” while snorkeling. (Who knew?)

So I began to edge towards the boat with an outward calm. It took far too long to get out of the water, but eventually I was on dry land again. Whew.

Then they called everyone in and pulled up the bait box. And fed them.

This is what a shark frenzy looks like…

This is what sharks do when they are being taunted with dead fish by young Bahamian divers.

Notice the surprising amount of boat underneath that shark! The sharks started coming up out of the water and onto the back of the boat. Yes my friends, it seemed as though they were indeed growing legs and coming to get me on dry land! But there were no legs, they were leaping on the to back end for the fish, and there was about 6 inches of boat wall between me and the sharks. Tee hee hee…. heh.

Anyway, I survived, and enjoyed it! Though the experience has not really eradicated my shark fear, but then again, I admitted it was irrational. I am not sure I would ever do this again, but I can certainly say I am pleased I was able to greet my fellow sharks personally, without the assistance of a set of cement galoshes.

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Theme Halloween??

Rantings of a holiday offended mother….

What the hell is with people and Halloween this year?

Do you remember the days of sitting with 10 dollars, some fabric, thread and a needle, glue, and whatever else you could find and trying to piece together a ghostly ghoul or a moldy corpse, or a elegant vampire?

Do you remember turning puns into costumes? I do!! However, the Red Bank Primary School will not be encouraging such creative shenanigans this year! No!! This year the school theme is “There’s no place like home” and the children riding on and walking next to the FLOAT in the parade have to dress like those darling (read creepy), little (read stereotyped), munchkins from our favorite movie of all time “The Wizard of Oz”. (So not my favorite movie of all time.)

Sigh. Well having just read Wicked, I will skip the diatribe about how misunderstood the Wicked Witch of the West really was (though I encourage all of you to read Wicked, it was a fantastic novel) and will instead move on with lambasting the Red Bank PTO.

How stupid is this. First of all, why are we having a float? Come on!! Its a halloween parade not the Mayberry fall festival. It’s supposed to be full of creative creepy undead things and the inevitable Star Wars characters. It is not supposed to be an event designed to satisfy the narcissistic needs of the children’s parents, it is supposed to be a chance to let your children come up with a truly dreadful costume, be it dreadful in a good way, or a bad one, and show it off to all their friends and neighbors. But no, this year all the darling little children will be dressed to look like members of the Lollipop Guild, which, while admittedly creepy, is going to result in the homogenization of the entire primary school.

So much for encouraging creative impulses.

So this year, when viewing the parade at Red Bank Primary, seek not the children dressed in costumes requiring you to guess again and again as to what they are, instead get ready to view a troop of munchkins. Whatever you do, don’t pay any attention to the parents behind the curtain.

Rue the day…

A new kitten.

The wedding and honeymoon info will have to wait. There is a much more important, or at least, much cuter, new addition to our lives that requires an introduction.

Meet Roo. Roo was the runt of the litter, hence why we named him Roo. He is already famous for his enthusiastic 5 am sessions of “Attack Blanket Kitten Commando”, ruthlessly played on our bed.

So far, his favorite pastimes include… purring in one’s ear after having painfully scrambled up their shoulder, eating Lee’s or my buttons, playing “catch the feather” with Monkey, and eating the dog’s food. (Much to their consternation)


He is also big on sleeping, though not at night. He mostly prefers laps. More cute images of the new resident cutie to come. And a summary of our island adventures.
M

Passed the bar!!

A brief update, to be followed by many ramblings!

Hello everyone! We are back from our honeymoon, and near our laptops again, so the blogging may commence. I can’t wait to tell you all what we did on our adventure!

However, we are packing mom off to Denver today, so I will write on the wedding and honeymoon tomorrow.

However, I wanted to share my news with everyone….

I PASSED THE BAR!!

I am a bona fide licensed attorney!!

It has been a long road, thanks to all who have been on it with me.

Thank you

Thanks and a funny Monkey moment!

Thanks to everyone for your responses to the job entry! It was mana from heaven kind of stuff, and now is looking like I may be able to move into an associate position, or share office space with everyone there once I am licensed here. So, I will be full fleged lawyer mom with kid friendly schedule yet able to practice law. It is indeed miraculous.

The blob is well, and approaching three months so pretty much looks like a tiny baby, our next well baby visit is Tuesday, and I will bring pics to the reception for viewing.

A funny Monkey moment:

At dinner two nights ago Monkey ordered her usual chicken and french fries. She ate the chicken but not the french fries. Then she turned to her father and I and said “You know why I am not going to eat my french fries?” We responded “No Monkey, why aren’t you going to eat your french fries?” “Because Chicken is healthier than french fries, it is full of the protein and vitamins I need to grow big and strong.” Then she picked up another piece of chicken and began eating. Lee was eventually able to close his mouth. I was eventually able to stop laughing.

See!! They LISTEN!!! It may be years before they indicate to you that they do, but they LISTEN!!

Your Denver Girl, in a Jersey World.

I turn on a dime…

I got a job!!!

Yes!! No more cottage industry for me!! I am working for a lawyer!! I get to do legal research and complaint drafting and case analysis and everything! She is going to help me get my license out here, and then she is going to start sending me to court when cases go that far because she hates it!! I am soooo happy!! Ellen connected her to me today and I interviewed with her tonight!!

She handles mainly legal malpractice, but has other cases as well. I start tomorrow!!
My first job as a lawyer!!

Oooh. The best part. The office houses three attorneys, all of whom are moms. They work mom hours, bring their kids in when they need to, work from home when they need to. They have a conference room that has a dvd player, and cable, a microwave, and mini fridge so the kids can relax with a movie while the moms work. I can work as many hours as I wish and this lawmom haven is only 20 minutes away!! She even has nigh unlimited westlaw, so I can research from the office or home, instead of in the library!! I can even work after the baby is born! My career can start! It really can!

Is like I fell asleep on Black’s law dictionary and woke up in Utopia!

Well I am off to bed, I start tomorrow and need my sleep!

All manner of new industries…

In an attempt to fulfill my creative needs, my empty pocket-book, and my long hours alone while Monkey is in school, I am learning the art of making homemade beeswax lip balms. Yes, the law educated mom is going to attempt to sell little tasty pots of pampering to increase her fundage.

So far the recipes I have been collecting have ranged from milk and honey flavored to chocolate flavored balms. I have little glass pots bookmarked, and wholesale organic beeswax suppliers at my fingertips. I have researched organic, natural preservatives, and the best way to sterilize little glass pots. I have also come across ideas for lotion bars and other treats along the way.

Is this endeavor insane? Should one who spent years learning how to write court motions and represent clients in court now delve into the land of beauty supplies? We shall have to see, however, there has yet to be a response to the myraid of resumes I have sent for legal positions. So I plan on making a batch or two over the next few weeks, and trying to sell them to local stores. If that fails, I may try a website of my own. Any ideas for marketing??

I figure at the very least I will have a supply of yummy holiday gifts to hand out when our broke family flies home. I promise to focus intently on creating as many different chocolate lover’s flavors as I possibly can.

Soon to be among the sticky Pots-O-Pampering,

Denver Woman/Girl/Mom/Lawyer/Crafter/Etc.

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