Category Archives: and one Hell of a growth experience.

Trauma is a bitch…

Have you ever heard how our bodies can carry memories of our trauma within them?
I’ve experienced it a little before, crying during deeply effective yoga, or a really good massage, but having this abdominal surgery is stirring up all sorts of trauma.
Why?
Well the last abdominal surgery was smack dab in the middle of one of the worst years of my life, and I really didn’t get to deal with much of it at all.
So here is today’s podcast. It’s a healing step taken selfishly for me, one I should have taken ages ago, but haven’t because I hate to do anything that could remotely upset or hurt people. That isn’t my intention here, but it might be a side effect. Even knowing that has made me doubt doing this all day.
I have to stop impairing my own healing on the off chance my voice could upset someone, especially when I am only speaking my truth.

Misty opens up about withdrawing empathy for her countrypeople still refusing to vaccinate and her belief that if they want to have "Their body, their choice" then they can just shove that somewhere dark and moist.  — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/savvyspoons/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/savvyspoons/support
  1. Your Body, Your Funeral
  2. In the dark…
  3. Breathing through pain.
  4. The pandemic life was my normal.
  5. It's a cooking show for tired people who don't want to cook.

This one time, in pain camp…

I took a leave of absence from work.  The pain is so unpredictable and uncontrolled that I can’t manage a consistent work schedule.  My office, being amazing, has promised to save my position for me and has given me the time I need to get better. I met with SuperDoc this week and she decided things have gotten serious enough to refer me to Pain Camp.

Okay, it’s actually an in-patient hospitalization in Michigan where they monitor you 24/7 and use IV injection medication to find the correct mix of chemicals you need to manage your disability. Because that is officially what I have, a disabling condition that when unmanaged takes over my life.

I can’t drive, eat, sleep, or work.  I need help from my family and Dan in getting the children to and from school.  I can grocery shop because it’s within walking distance.  I can cook because sandwiches are easy. I am in crisis. This is it. My daily pain level runs between a 7 and a 10. So it’s time to get aggressive.

I have chemically caused chronic migraine and trigeminal nueralgia.  The left side of my body from the lower jaw to my temple has a tendency to shoot unexpected pain through me at random intervals. This pain can last 30 seconds to five or ten minutes. It is blinding and awful. It causes flashes of light that blind me. Mostly it renders me useless. The migraine sits in the background and makes sound and light irritating and difficult to handle. Most days it behaves.

I don’t know why but in the last three months the intensity of my condition has worsened appreciably. I have gone from manageable to completely broken down. I have had to call an ambulance to pick me up at work, I have has to miss work and social events, I have been in bed a lot. It’s time to go nuclear.

Monday I start the admissions process. Hopefully my insurance pays for most or all of it. It’s about $40,000 if they don’t. I am worried about managing if they do not. It can take months to find the solution without inpatient treatment. The hope with inpatient hospitalization is that doctors can use IV medication to instantly judge effectiveness and side effects, thereby allowing a quick determination of what mix of chemicals will correct what is wrong with my brain. Left to do it out patient, I will have to try one medication at a time, in pill form, wait for side effects, try another, etc. The last medication I tried caused vasospasms, resulting in two ER visits with chest pains and a host of anxiety filled days for everyone.

It has been suggested that I do a GoFundMe or something if the insurance won’t cover it, but I don’t have the energy to run one. If it turns out it’s not covered, and any of you want to run a fundraiser to get me into the pain camp, I will be eternally grateful. I will also be in my cave curled up under a quilt whimpering. I can send live feed images of feral quilt cave me to push the campaign along.

Please be patient with me my friends. I am trying to come back to myself and then, to you. I am not ignoring you, but I don’t have the ability to reach out right now. Please reach out to me.