Category Archives: #fibrowarrior

The lonely war…

There is a loneliness that comes with living in pain all day every day.

It doesn’t matter how loving and supportive your family is, how amazing your doctors are, or even how strong you are, eventually, at some point, you will settle in for another battle against your invisible enemy and it will ultimately be up to you to fight it.

Again.

I am here in my cozy space. It has been built over the years to be as reassuring, comfortable, and loving a space as can be. We decorated it with intention, put in conveniences like an ice machine, a massage chair, and a freezer so I have ready access to the tools I need for self-care on my worst days.

My new cat is on my lap. Both dogs are at my feet. My husband is asleep at my side, his hand on my arm in loving support, unable to leave me without his touch even in sleep.

Yet I am feeling that isolation that comes from the approaching storm front, the impending doom of the mounting head and face pain. The knowledge that all the love being aimed at me is coming from the outside and I have to, yet again, dig deep and find the strength to get through another episode.

I am feeling the loneliness that comes from knowing all the support in the world can’t give me more energy, more inner strength. That all the supporters who love me don’t know what this really feels like, that my experience is isolated to me.

Hell, even the diagnostic criteria for my syndromes say “each patient experiences these symptoms differently.”

There is no camaraderie to be found fighting invisible battles on battlefields that occur inside yourself. There are no great songs written about our internal wars.

There is only the moment we each face, over and over, as we let go of the loving hands trying their best to help us, and turn to our internal struggle yet again.

I am not alone, but at times, this battle is a lonely one.

Trauma is a bitch…

Have you ever heard how our bodies can carry memories of our trauma within them?
I’ve experienced it a little before, crying during deeply effective yoga, or a really good massage, but having this abdominal surgery is stirring up all sorts of trauma.
Why?
Well the last abdominal surgery was smack dab in the middle of one of the worst years of my life, and I really didn’t get to deal with much of it at all.
So here is today’s podcast. It’s a healing step taken selfishly for me, one I should have taken ages ago, but haven’t because I hate to do anything that could remotely upset or hurt people. That isn’t my intention here, but it might be a side effect. Even knowing that has made me doubt doing this all day.
I have to stop impairing my own healing on the off chance my voice could upset someone, especially when I am only speaking my truth.

Misty opens up about withdrawing empathy for her countrypeople still refusing to vaccinate and her belief that if they want to have "Their body, their choice" then they can just shove that somewhere dark and moist.  — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/savvyspoons/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/savvyspoons/support
  1. Your Body, Your Funeral
  2. In the dark…
  3. Breathing through pain.
  4. The pandemic life was my normal.
  5. It's a cooking show for tired people who don't want to cook.

Sticking it to you…

I have been losing my mind with boredom as I have waited for my battered and confused body to return to some semblance of normalcy.

So I made stickers on this site that does’t charge too much for creating them! I made a bunch of Spoonie related stickers:

I plan on making more, but I got distracted by the cheating low-life scum-suckers in Georgia and the sheer criminal treason of passing a law making it illegal to hand out water to people waiting in line to vote.

Then I made a few motivation stickers and a Dr. Fauci one because my Mom asked me too.

Finally I added some of my artwork because I like the idea of having stickers of my work. I am sure I will be making more of those.

I have to admit it was nice to create something. It’s been a rough week. I spent most of it in so much pain and discomfort I wasn’t worth much. Now I can get up, walk around a little, cook a meal or two but I get really tired, really easily and I still have to spend most of my time resting.

So I am making stickers so I can stop losing my freaking mind.

If you like any of them I added a page to the menu at the top of the blog (Spoonie Merch). They are $3.99 each and are cut out vinyl stickers so there isn’t any extra outside of the image. In a few cases I approved a few other items too, but rarely. If for some reason you really want something in a shirt or hoodie or something kick me a message at misty@savvyspoons.com.

Stay safe and sane loves.