Category Archives: loss

Missing Something

I pat my pockets absently for the item I’ve forgotten, rummaging through the detritus on the desk, the overflowing “in case of” items in my bag.

I’m missing something.

I go back upstairs to see if I left it there but nothing catches the faint haunting thought in my brain. Wallet yes, keys yes, gloves yes.

What is it?

I check the bathroom as I often leave things sitting on the windowsill or sink, set aside during teeth brushing or other ablutions.

Nope.

I’m out of time. Whatever it is, I hope I really don’t need it because I’m going to have to leave without it. I open the door, step out onto the porch and freeze.

It’s you.

I’m missing you.

Your absence in my life is still enough of a novelty to send me off in a flurry of activity searching for whatever it is that will make me whole, because I simply never am.

A tear escapes my eye, chased down my cheek by an eager sibling.

Deep breaths.

I don’t have time for grief today.

———— SavvySpoonie 2026

Trauma is a bitch…

Have you ever heard how our bodies can carry memories of our trauma within them?
I’ve experienced it a little before, crying during deeply effective yoga, or a really good massage, but having this abdominal surgery is stirring up all sorts of trauma.
Why?
Well the last abdominal surgery was smack dab in the middle of one of the worst years of my life, and I really didn’t get to deal with much of it at all.
So here is today’s podcast. It’s a healing step taken selfishly for me, one I should have taken ages ago, but haven’t because I hate to do anything that could remotely upset or hurt people. That isn’t my intention here, but it might be a side effect. Even knowing that has made me doubt doing this all day.
I have to stop impairing my own healing on the off chance my voice could upset someone, especially when I am only speaking my truth.

Welcome to Season 2 – The Spice of Life SavvySpoons – Living a life of limited spell slots.

Misty welcomes you back to her podcast. Which she totally stopped recording because of a seasonal break or some other intentional reason instead of basic overwhelmed spoonie forgetfulness. Totally. 
  1. Welcome to Season 2 – The Spice of Life
  2. Simply Do.
  3. Ignore your pain, then write about it.
  4. I'm back?
  5. Your Body, Your Funeral

Home is where the heart aches…

It hits me the hardest when I put down my luggage.
A stillness settles over me as my heart remembers you are no longer here to promptly sit on it while I try to put everything away.
I am defeated.

I will carry the memory of the loss of you with me for several more days before it settles back into the reality of my existence and the loss begins to be normal again.

You aren’t sitting on my lap and incessantly demanding I lie still to make up for the time we lost when I was away.

You aren’t rubbing against my face when I try to use the computer, insistent that all attention should be paid to you.
I’ve never had an easier time writing.

You aren’t tripping me on the stairs.

You aren’t batting my face in the night.

You aren’t.