Tag Archives: Migraine

Connection, Just me, Migraine

Celebrating the fourth…

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I had intended to take the children to see the fireworks display down by Elitch Gardens. I had the three top spots all mapped out and planned to create a dessert picnic with glowing arm bands and pop-its and everything. They were excited. I was excited.

Then about an hour and a half until we were supposed to leave, as I was preparing dinner, my headache went from it’s normal manageable state of background noise to it’s angry roommate screaming in your face setting. Impossible to ignore and work around. My spirits plummeted.

I went to lie down and took some medication. It didn’t get any better. I tried to stay calm and relaxed but the unfairness of it all just hit me all at once and before I knew it I was sobbing. Then it really didn’t get better. Dan came upstairs and offered to drive me and the kids to the fireworks display even though it meant another night of less than six hours of sleep. That calmed me down. I told him no. I reminded him that managing my disappointment when this happens is part of having an intractable migraine.

I came downstairs and told the children we would have to stay home. They both threw their arms around me and said it would be better this way. Then Marlena went with Dan to get some fireworks for the house and Oliver helped me make dinner. He chatted and smiled the whole time. When Marlena returned home she triumphantly showed off the fountains, sparklers, and other ‘splody devices they had picked up.

Neither of them were disappointed. They enjoyed the food and the home sized fireworks display. We lit sparklers and fountains, snakes and smoke bombs. We stood back in the alley and watched them light up the night. Neighbors across the way cheered at our little fireworks display. This was the first time my kids had sparklers and fireworks at home so a night that looked as though it was going to be ruined was actually wonderfully memorable.

It was all ok. Despite my constant and inconvenient shadow, we had a lovely and close-knit fourth of July.

Chronic Pain, Just me, Migraine

To Distraction!

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Did you know that focusing directly on your pain can inhibit your body’s ability to produce pain fighting endorphins?

Apparently if you hurt and you lie there thinking about it you can actually make yourself hurt more. This may be why I feel better when watching t.v. or reading a book than I do when trying to go to sleep at night or waking up first thing in the morning. Having something distract me from my discomfort has been more helpful than any pain killer.

The trick is managing the distractions in a way that doesn’t use up all my spoons. I can visit with people a couple of times a week but the gatherings have to be small and end early or else I sleep for days afterwards and feel like I can never wake up. I can work and clean, but I have to have days to rest in between. When I am resting I have to have distraction with minimal effort.

So how do I rest with minimal distraction and still improve my mind? After all, there are only so many hours one can watch television or read before going quietly mad and if I crochet one more hat I am going to strangle someone with yarn.

Don’t worry. I have plans. Evidence blogs, coding classes, sign language classes online, app development classes. The whole kit and caboodle. I may need to lie down and rest a lot, but there is a lot a person can do lying down.

Chronic Pain, Just me, Migraine

Fading out…

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I missed the huge Memorial Day BBQ my friends were having.

I wanted to go. I wanted to see everyone. I just couldn’t. I thought about a room filled with dozens of people laughing and talking over each other, children running around and playing, music, etc. I thought about myself, sitting in a corner, watching it all happen around me as my headache slowly began to build to an intolerable level.

My photophobia and phonophobia are such that I can’t be at large, loud parties without developing a debilitating headache within about an hour.

It’s been 8 months of headaches every day and I feel myself fading out of friend groups, excursions, and social life.

It makes me so sad and angry and frustrated. I want to be at the big loud parties, the group events. I want to share in the moments these beloved people are making together. It’s yet another thing that I feel has been taken from me.

I am disappearing from the world I used to belong to.